The Work Is Always Working : Live Coaching! Celebrating your wins, evolutionary sobriety

What if nothing is actually going wrong?

In this episode, I’m unpacking a truth that has completely changed how I move through sobriety, business, money stress, emotions, and even embarrassment: the work is always working — either for you or on you.

We talk about getting out of your head, breaking the mental loops, and learning how to trust the process even when it doesn’t feel good yet. I share how sobriety taught me clear seeing — not just the absence of alcohol, but the ability to be with emotions instead of escaping them. Anxiety, embarrassment, boredom, fear, money stress… all of it.

We also dive into:

• Why alcohol (and other substances) create synthetic joy — and how feminine sobriety gives you the real thing
• Letting go of control, approval-seeking, and codependent patterns
• The power of saying “so what?” to emotions instead of making them a problem
• How embarrassment, discomfort, and emotional waves are actually building confidence and self-trust
• Moving from hustling and hunting to gathering, receiving, and trusting opportunity
• Why sobriety makes entrepreneurship, relationships, and self-expression easier — not harder

If you’re navigating sobriety, questioning your relationship with alcohol (or weed), craving more self-trust, or learning how to stay present with your emotions instead of numbing them — this episode is for you.

Nothing has gone wrong. You’re not behind.
 The work is working.

Imagine having weekly breakthroughs — and celebrating them without alcohol.

The 90-Day Life Renewal Challenge is an invitation into your year of clarity, self-trust, and embodied change. This is about knowing you can handle life without numbing, avoiding, or hiding. You can be sacred and do it anyway.

👉 Schedule your Clarity Call for your first breakthrough — and trust that it’s only the beginning.

Get the free mini-course: The Permission Protocol
A foundational experience designed to help your alcohol-free time become more than just time off. You’ll learn how to end the mental tug-of-war and return to peace, presence, and pleasure. Sobriety stops feeling like discipline and starts feeling like trust — trust in yourself, your body, and your inner knowing.

Join The 90 Day Life Renewal!

A Private Holistic Coaching Program to gracefully help you move through the resistance of change, stay accountable and honor the version of you that is done waiting. What if this year, you didn’t just set a goal…but created a living plan that actually fits your energy, your values, and your season of life? Apply & schedule your clarity call with Mary here.

Download The Permission Protocol — my free 5-part mini-course — and start practicing the skills that make alcohol irrelevant on your terms.

DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.

Transcript

[00:00:00] 

So it's so important to get out of the room that we're in all the time, which is your head. Get out of that room. Not because you don't have wisdom, not because you don't have direct access to infinite knowledge into the divine. You do, but we often need to break the cycle of the loop that we are in, and we need to renew our minds, 

We need to have a new perspective so we can go back in and okay, where am I not showing up? Where could I, go deeper? Where am I making problem? That's not really a problem. 

the work is always working. 

We just wanna improve our life in some way, and that always requires. we have to do things differently to get a different result. And it always starts with mindset. It has to start with what are we perceiving is available to us? What are the possibilities?

Where are we? Where do we have blind spots? Where are we limiting ourselves? Because our perspective is only the sum of our learned experience. we only just [00:01:00] have that. So we have to keep learning different perspectives and different experiences to continue to grow.

So the work, what is the work? Well, you can define that for yourself. I always say the work is what's in front of you right now. 

I think my work right now is trust and deep trust. But he said the work is always working no matter what. It's either working for you or it's working on you. And that is so deeply important to remember because we're not always in the happy place of the result where it's working for us and we're newly sober and we're oh my gosh, I have so much energy and I'm waking up refreshed 

my sobriety now is always working for me, but it had to work on me first. I had to be in that process. And the thing that I think we have to come back to again and again, if you're interested in. a growth mindset and having a bigger life and a more expansive life, is the acceptance of the human experience, 

can you be in [00:02:00] love? Can you somehow enjoy that part of the growing pains? I'm gonna show up and I'm gonna do this, It's not about figuring it out and wrestling it, but I'm going to surrender to the process. So there's been a lot of shifting that's happened in my life recently Something that I had to do to step into trust, letting the circumstance, whatever God life was presenting to me, letting that work on me. I had to surrender my control and say, I am letting go of my control of what I want the outcome to be for the best outcome.

Trusting that I don't even know what that is really for me, that I think I know, but do I really know? And the moment I was able to let go and said, I control of this for the highest and best good. I was able to use my energy that I would've been controlling and gripping and explaining and all of the things to [00:03:00] heal myself, to let the work work on me, which was a deep emotional holding, a deep emotional honoring and the perspective that I, what I really feel the work was, was realizing that I was in.

when we are in a codependent relationship, whether it's with another person, with our work, with alcohol, with whatever it is, we get so attached to that thing that we lose a little bit of our own self-trust.

We lose reliance. And I do know our spirituality deepens when we are in that work, when, when the work is working on us. And I know that that's never a waste because then we take it into the next thing to let it guide us to be in that place of trust where instead of being in our own mind, we step into divine mind into a bigger consciousness where if it's just our mind, we're gonna screw it up again and again.

But when we can let go, I'm gonna let this work, work on me and [00:04:00] know that I'm preparing myself for the work. For the work to work for me, because sometimes we're not prepared for that. And that is what's so important to remember is that when the work is working on you, can I let it be Okay?

Can I be with it? the power of curiosity. The power to really let yourself be an expansion of, what if nothing's going wrong.

What if this work that is happening right now on me? is the thing, Even though it doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel like the result. What if I am in the right place right now, and if nothing has gone wrong and this is exactly where you're supposed to be, how do you see things differently?

How does that shift in your body and the power of curiosity and expansion and neutrality and just kind of taking that step back to observe is one of the most powerful things we can do. So I had a coaching call this week with a client and we were talking about, What's the worst thing that can [00:05:00] happen if you're not drinking during this holiday season?

Because this time of year, I personally believe more than most times of the year 'cause there's so much nostalgia associated with drinking. 

There's so much nostalgia associated with drinking because so many of our senses are involved. And there's a lot of happy feelings this time of year. it's supposed to be more of a happy time than a sad time, even though there's some stress. I think a lot of people are kind of giving themselves permission to not fall into that trap anymore.

the association to alcohol is very potent during this time of year because the smells and the scents and the happy and all the things that were oh, we're shopping, we're cooking, we're doing all this stuff, and oh, there's a drink.

There's a drink that goes with that experience. Not only is there a drink, but there's a very specific one that goes with that time of day and that specific experience. 

I won't be as much fun. And my first response to that was, so what 

so what? You're not having fun and you feel crap and you should ignore your emotions.

It's actually the opposite. It's so what? You're [00:06:00] human, you're not gonna feel you're having fun all the time, You can handle that.

It's not a problem. You've been here before, worked out for you. that's the thing about resiliency. We are all resilient. If you are here right now, you are resilient 'cause you made it this far. Now we wanna go from resiliency to transformation. Can you let the work work on you without all of the resistance and really see the results of that?

Absolutely. And so this applies to any other emotion. And when it comes to sobriety, you have to be willing to say, so what to your emotions? I'm a little depressed today, so what? Not a problem. And the second you say that, what happens? It's not as much of a problem. Take a deep breath.

I don't have to put all this pressure on myself to be a perfectly happy human all the time. And then the next part to this coaching though, is how is that not true? 

how is it not true? How are you actually more fun? Well, I'm not gonna be wasting time hungover. I'm gonna be feeling I have more energy with my kids. I'm gonna be maybe silly and goofy because I'm gonna be getting authentically in the merriment.

[00:07:00] So there's the so up, but then there's how is that just not even true? Right? I'm gonna be more connected, I'm gonna be asking more questions, I'm gonna be all of these other things that you're not thinking about because you've just had this one objection and this one belief on this one track mind for so long.

And what does it even mean to be fun, right? you have to define that for yourself. what does it actually even mean to be more fun? And is that what you really wanna be? Does it mean I'm disconnected, I'm a little out of my body and I can't make eye contact?

Is that what the more fun means when we're not, when we're not, when we're drinking, right? is that what you really want? When we really look at the results alcohol gives us, we don't actually want to be that version. We don't wanna be that woman, but you can get there authentically, and this is the power of feminine sobriety.

The feminine empowered sobriety is that instead of having to fake it. Instead of having, which is what alcohol is, it's faking it, right? 'cause it's not real. It's, it's completely synthetic. It's a synthetic [00:08:00] version of joy, happiness, fun relief. You get to be that. You get to decide, this is the kind of woman I want to be right here and right now.

And it's all of those feminine qualities of pleasure, joy, receiving fun, sexy creativity that we try to get through alcohol because we haven't learned how to do it on our own, because we haven't practiced. And that's not to shame you. That's just because no one ever asked you the question, what kind of woman do you wanna be?

we have to learn how to invite ourselves into, into the permission of what it is that we want by just first asking the question and knowing that for ourselves first, before we start to demand it from the world.

Because most of the times we don't even know, and we don't even know what that is. And then when we don't get what we think we, we maybe think we want, then we don't feel good about it. So we drink to distract ourselves from that, Instead of letting life just unfold as it unfolds. 

Okay. So tell me what's working for you today? This is funny. I'm [00:09:00] celebrating that I have embarrassed myself two days in a row.

Is that the work working on you? Yeah, that's exactly it. So I'm working on showing up more and because I'm showing up more there's more opportunities for me to embarrass myself. And I realized, talking to a friend yesterday, it's been a long time since I felt the white hot flash of embarrassment.

I haven't been doing things that would necessitate that feeling. And expanding into a new version of myself. And the thing that I'm letting go of this astrological cycle is the need for approval from others. worrying about what people think of me.

And that's been a block for me showing up is I'm afraid that I'll look a certain way or I think somebody's gonna have a certain impression of me, or I'm thinking about people that I think don't like me and who cares about any of those people and who care? And so what if they have a bad impression of me?

so what, I have all these people that love me and support me and appreciate me, and I don't, if somebody doesn't, that's [00:10:00] fine. move on. I'm here for the people that I can help and that resonate with me were those the thoughts?

Was that the perspective shift that allowed you to show up you were able to release some of this approval and need. on Monday, we had a presentation I told you about at a realtor at a brokerage.

and I felt really confident going in, and then through the presentation, I felt really flustered and I wasn't allowing myself to take a breath and just have a second in front of people. And so I just felt flustered and I missed a slide. And then I felt I wasn't really conveying myself well.

And then after the fact, I let myself sit in it for a second. I was dang, man, that was really embarrassing. Wow. All the things I did wrong. And then I was done and I was okay, well that's over. So move on. yeah. Whoa. Lemme ask you this. who decided what was right? The right way. Yeah, good question.

I had an expectation in my mind for sure. Yeah, and honestly, just knowing you has given me so much [00:11:00] permission. so many times I make a mistake and I'm would you judge Mary for doing that? Never. So we don't. Well, and how do you even know if I'm making a mistake? That's my question.

Yeah. how do those people know you're making a mistake? Yeah, they definitely don't. 

Joey, after the fact, he's I had no idea that you were feeling flustered.

Yeah. So, okay. First of all, there's your firsthand evidence is your business partner doesn't even know So there's your thought right there. I set the expectation for anything.

Mm-hmm. anything, it is no one else knows what this is supposed to look 'cause I made it. Yeah, yeah. Literally, that's what we've done. This is our business. We made it up. And the product I was talking about, we just made it up. 

So I think that that's, I'm glad that you were able to just sit with that and process it.

I think what are you taking away? Well, you could tell me about the other experience too and see if it was similar. It was, I felt the same embarrassment, but it was not. I just sent an email blast and instead of putting all of the emails in the blind copy line, I put 'em in the [00:12:00] two so everybody could see everybody's email.

it was kind of a reminder that 

get your systems in place.

Systems are important. And I do wanna talk to you about last week, I wanna ask you something, since this is the wild sobriety community, and there might be some people listening after that are in their early sobriety stages or, maybe not at all, just kind of contemplating it.

How is, how is was what you went through and what you're celebrating, that you're actually celebrating, I was embarrassed and I worked through it. and this is okay. How is your sobriety in this moment?

Showing up or has helped you create this result that you just shared with me? Yeah. or what would it have looked like? What, how would have it have looked different if you were drinking? Yeah. If I was drinking, it was so bad for my mental health, I, I, depression and anxiety, and so when I was drinking, those things were worse.

And so I probably would've been hungover already, 

I would've been way [00:13:00] meaner to myself. There's no way I would've let it go so quickly. Yeah. It would've felt way worse than an embarrassment, it wouldn't have been so lighthearted and 

laugh about it. never would that have happened. So you would've hung onto it And I just, yeah, I would've definitely hung onto it and probably spiraled a bit, gotten really dark mentally about it. And I definitely would not have been taking care of myself.

So I have my routines that are really important in the morning and the night, and when I was drinking, I wasn't doing any of that. And so now I can just journal it out and get all my thoughts out and then I'm over it. Yay. Look at that. Yeah. Yeah. And you have, and you didn't waste all this time.

you might not even have sent the email the next day. I'm, early on in my weed sobriety, so I've been, I've been stopping and starting and stopping and starting. and so I'm, I think a full month. I did most of October and then I had a panic attack, and so I smoked.

And that helped at the time, and now I'm a full month into complete sobriety, I [00:14:00] guess five weeks actually. and so, yeah. And so there's not that, when I'm feeling anxious, I turn to a substance of any kind. now I can just wow, I'm feeling anxious. What is that about?

Okay, great. And now I have this, so what I just put, a post-it on my little light over here. Yeah. This is so what, so every time something comes up, it can be and well, and I know anxiety can be more of an embodied experience. Mm-hmm. 

do you think that you would have been even doing this presentation that you would've put yourself out there? I, I think I, well, I don't know. I don't know because I'm yeah, I've done presentations. all the presentations I've done have been since I stopped drinking.

So I, I don't know. I definitely wasn't confident speaking in front of people and I'm not still all the time, but that on Monday. but I wouldn't have asked for that opportunity because I was so. I was drinking because I was depressed and I didn't feel confident. And so it was a way to [00:15:00] relax and to feel better, even knowing the next day I am gonna feel shit worse.

Well, and so what's so awesome is that there's just been this progression where I'm showing up, I'm doing the thing, and it's actually build, it's actually doing the opposite of, I'm, I'm building my confidence and I'm, I am caring less about people's approval.

The more I can show up and be in that embarrassed feeling And know that nothing went wrong, literally, there was no consequence of that. Yeah. Absolutely. What feels like it's not working 

Well, what I'm focused on right now is, making money for sure. Yeah. We're entrepreneurs, self-employed and you're always hunting for money. And so I'm trying to change my perspective around that and what came up when I watched day four and then when you were talking at the start of this call is this isn't really a problem.

we just [00:16:00] yesterday booked somebody for a three month contract to manage their social media. So that's steady. It's working.

It's working. So how did you create that result? What was your mind? Let's start with what your mindset was. Uh, well, it was kind of following the sparks. we've been asking the question, how do we make consistent, reliable income rather than constantly hunting for something new.

this realtor that had us present at her brokerage, she said she had a social media manager and he got out of the business and she really messes that.

And if that's something we'd be interested in, we could explore that. So we built a program based on that conversation and that's what we presented to her brokerage. Then the next day we filmed with somebody else and he said, my social media manager is just really not doing well, and I'm really not satisfied.

And we were oh, well we literally just built this thing. Are you interested? And he said, yes, right now I'm ready. That's amazing. So yeah, we just followed the small hits. we didn't even really have to try. We just [00:17:00] put into the universe, we want reliability. 

what do you wanna believe from that experience? first that it can be easy. 

what was the thought about making the offer package in the first place? well, the resistance was definitely, 

to make it was well, this looks like a path to the thing that we want. We want reliability. This is something that has to be done consistently. this is a path.

This could be a path to what we want. And staying open, if it's not something you guys wanna do. then you can change your mind. And it can be easy and you said, I follow the spark, so what if that was it? We just keep following the spark.

Someone asks for something, we create it, then someone else buys it. you use the word hunting a couple of times. And how does that Make you feel when you feel like you're hunting? I don't like it. So what would you rather it be you're you're taking action, but instead of hunting, what do you want it to be 

I wanna play. gathering, right? the feminine version of that is so you can play and gather. 

So you get to just pick up the little sparkles that come. [00:18:00] And you're gathering resources, you're gathering information, you're gathering new stuff, you're following the leads. 

what felt good about it was we really dialed in the product before we gave the presentation. 

So it sounds like being prepared, taking the time ahead of time gave you the confidence to sell it kind of off the cuff.

Yeah, absolutely. that's amazing. Well, and I just wanna say too, just to point out another win, the fact that you actually created a new offer and created a presentation is a huge win. 'cause now you have that. Yeah, totally right. 

that's huge. So now it's just getting the offer. Out into the world. 

now what feels like it's not working? there's definitely messes to clean up. we've been hunting rather than gathering, and so we're behind on a couple of bills and we got this one secured and so we need another one.

I need to go gather more resources. what do you need to believe to keep [00:19:00] following that sparkle? What do you wanna do different moving forward for the next of the month? 

I can create the marketing for this package I know the steps to take. Now it's just about taking them and really relaxing into it doesn't have to happen in a certain amount of time.

It doesn't have to be stressful. I can just literally have fun with it and relax a little bit. 

just close your eyes for a minute and just tune into your heart and what do you believe right now, just for the rest of the month, so that you can reach and or surpass the goal that you had for yourself in November based on what just happened.

What's the belief that you can really embody and take with you There is so much opportunity. So much opportunity. And I know leading up to this month I've been feeling not that way.

oh, there's not enough opportunity. Yeah. Or the economy has changed and [00:20:00] wallets are tightening and all of those beliefs where I'm I can't even ask people for money because I believe these things. And right now I'm sitting in this place very much where there's so much opportunity.

Look how easy that was to sell that thing yesterday. It took a second. Yeah. I can definitely do more of that. There are people looking for, looking for you literally right now to help that. Yeah, I mean. Do you believe that's true? There are i there is someone looking for exactly what you need.

Absolutely. Yeah. So one of the things that my coach Stacy says is, I'm in demand. And that's just her thought for everything. Mm-hmm. 

Starbucks doesn't stop selling $7 lattes when they think that there's a rec economy issue. Yeah. They don't need a discount, 

I've bought how many lattes from Starbucks or whatever. I, I never got one for free. Yeah. Never. They're never gonna give me an Americano for free, no matter how many I buy. Right. And that's okay because there's a value there because the people have va [00:21:00] they, if it's valuable to them in that moment, they are.

And you make the offer, it doesn't even matter how much it costs. Right. 

it's such an important time to manage what is in your control. it is the time to learn how to manage your mind and manage your emotions because if not, someone else is going to manage it for you 

since I stopped drinking, it's been easier to look else am I doing something that to myself?

where can I expand more? Where can I treat myself better? Because I know when I kick a habit. I wouldn't have hangovers. I'd probably sleep better, I didn't realize how much deeper my relationships would get, how much more I could put myself out there.

we started a business when both Joey and I were sober. we probably wouldn't have taken that huge leap if we weren't in a place in our mind where we could the money thing is definitely a distraction and something that stresses me out and it's not a problem.

It's an opportunity for me to expand and prove to myself, I have the resources I need. I can do this. Everything's fine. that's how [00:22:00] I see sobriety, not just as the absence of a mind altering substance, but as clear seeing 

When you are in that place, and especially when you're doing the work of mindset work and you're looking at, the internet and these short little clips of things, you might look beyond that. not just be so influenced by the first headline that, grazes your phone or whatever.

And there's so much clear seeing that needs to happen and that has been happening in our world, so it's so important. So since we are talking about sobriety, and you obviously have the intention of not smoking weed. what do you wanna believe about, even if you, you say through the end of this year, right?

I think, I don't know, maybe it's forever. what is your intention with that? Why do you want to eliminate that? it's literally clear seeing. Yeah. when I thought about it first, it's I have. Connection to tarot cards. I have psychic ability and anything I do that clogs my vessel, clogs the message that I'm able to receive.

And so it's [00:23:00] how do I clarify me so that I can see clearly to help other people? and I know sugar's part of that too. It weighs me down. I had a little bit of a binge for Thanksgiving and I've been doing really well, not having sugar. And so then I had some sugar and I'm wow, I'm tired.

I have a headache. I can feel the sluggishness in my body. And so that's the whole thing that started me stopping smoking again was I need to clear my vessel and, just be more of me. 

So what is the typical objection? What would be the number one objection where you'd be I'm gonna have some weed? I think it feels like an easy out, when I last smoked for the panic attack, it was I can't handle of emotion that I'm feeling.

And I know that that will really quickly bring me down. And I know from experience I can ride out a panic attack with no substances. I've done that before. Okay, so how is that not true? [00:24:00] it's just the same as not an easy out, it's a numbing.

And so you're skipping the growth or the lesson or the opportunity to prove to yourself that it's gonna be okay. So you're not really going through it. And letting it have its full, beginning, middle, and end. This is something I want everyone to really take away from this.

everyone tries to have an easy out from emotion until it's okay, this keeps coming back. I'm gonna have to learn how to really be with this, which you have. So when you tell yourself, I can't handle this, that you already know that's not true, you're here and you've done this before, 

When you say to yourself, I've done this before. How does that make you feel?

I'm an expert at panic attacks. Yeah. I can definitely handle it. it's not really that big of a deal. to just be crying for a while. So if you're in it, you just bring your hand to your heart and you've been here before, you can handle this.

what emotion do those words create? definitely a sense of relief. it takes the fear away. It snaps me out of the fear 

What [00:25:00] if you tell yourself girl, you are literally an expert at this. You're a panic attack expert and just remembering all the tools I have. Yeah.

So you have other ways out of it. Yeah. you have other ways to move through it versus abandon ship. Yeah. So that's what I'm hearing is I already have an easy out. There's another way to have an easy out, which is through it.

And I've been here, I know how to do this, I'm really good at this. 

I'm so glad you're bringing this up 'cause what I call that is the perfect storm. So someone could go for a really long time and The normal everyday triggers don't, normal everyday patterns or habits.

They go, they, they wane and then you have what I call the perfect storm. It's this combination of all of the things. And the only way you have any clue how to get out of that is your mind is, you have, you need a drink right now or you need a there's no way you're getting out of this.

So you are only going to be able to re-pattern the [00:26:00] emotions that you have, which is why, I tell people, give yourself a whole year 

But there is going to be an inevitably an emotion, a sensation in your body that you hadn't experienced that still has that association, that has not created a new pathway mm-hmm.

From that, that specific vibration to alcohol. So, but when you know that ahead of time and you can just you're not just waiting in fear behind that. 

this is the moment I would have drank. Yeah. Where, but it was very distinct in my mind and I wasn't going to do it. 'cause I, you get to that point in five years where it's that's not even an option.

I started this call talking about the work is working me so that I can re-pattern this exact frequency in my body with a new solution.

Mm-hmm. And that's empowering, right? So you get to create all these new pathways. Every time you don't smoke weed, you're new solution. And your brain is going to remember that. Every time, especially when it's big, right? That's when you're I'm just gonna lay down and [00:27:00] I'm gonna let this move through me.

I've got my oils, I've got whatever. even if you're on the ground crying and praying, sometimes you just need to cry. 

That relief you think you're gonna get from that really quick fix, that instant gratification is waiting for you on the other side.

you are creating a new pathway. what you're proving to yourself is that didn't kill me. Mm-hmm.

And now I have a new pathway in my brain where I don't have the association of alcohol or weed or something else. To move through that, that sensation in my body. 

Yeah, I think that's the thing that came to mind is habitually after work I would start smoking and sit down and watch TV and that's just not part of it. 

It's just not part of it. I have other tools. I think what people realize too is it's sometimes it is just the habit where it's not the actual urge either.

It's it's just the habit of oh, I just, it's five o'clock so I do this. But then you realize oh I, that doesn't even really change anything. I don't even really, I don't need that 'cause I'm just doing something else We habituate as [00:28:00] humans so quickly that if you have the tools and you're not holding on for your dear life and white knuckling and you're going through an experience, it's like.