Wild Sobriety

BONUS You Don’t Need To Be An Alcoholic To Quit Drinking

• Mary Wagstaff

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This bonus episode is a truth-telling moment — the conversation I wish someone had given me during the 20 years I wanted to quit drinking but didn’t know where to turn. If you’ve been stuck between two awful options — white-knuckle sobriety forever or resigning yourself to drinking because nothing else feels right — this is your sign that a third option exists.

I share the real mindset shifts I learned outside of AA, how I finally made alcohol irrelevant, and why most women stay stuck bargaining for years. We talk about the gap you avoid, the mental noise you've normalized, and why “just not drinking” never creates the freedom you want. This is the foundation of the Permission Protocol — the feminine, embodied path to shifting your relationship with alcohol on your own terms.

In this episode, I walk you through:

• the real reason quitting feels impossible (hint: you’re only trying to not drink)
• the third option between AA and white-knuckling
• how alcohol becomes the center of change — and how to shift the focus back to you
• why you keep bargaining, moderating, and negotiating with yourself
• the truth about the “gap” (and why being alone with yourself feels hard)
• how alcohol dulls your authentic expression + steals your presence
• the mindset I used to make alcohol irrelevant after 20 years
• why the Permission Protocol works when “trying harder” doesn’t

If this resonates, download The Permission Protocol — my free 5-part mini-course — and start practicing the skills that make alcohol irrelevant on your terms. 

🌹Schedule A Free Private Strategy Session With Mary Today and Take Your Power Back

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Download The Permission Protocol — my free 5-part mini-course — and start practicing the skills that make alcohol irrelevant on your terms.

It's all inside of the Free, Off Social Media Wild Sobriety Community. Join HERE!

DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.

SPEAKER_00:

Wild sobriety is for the woman who has outgrown alcohol and was never meant to follow the script. I'm Mary Wagstaff, a holistic alcohol coach, and after 20 years of daily drinking, I finally made alcohol irrelevant in my life. And now I help women just like you do the same through my proven five chips process. Welcome to Wild Sobriety, feminine freedom beyond alcohol. Welcome back to Wild Sobriety, my beautiful warriors of love. Welcome to this bonus episode. This is a Facebook Live that I recorded last week, and it's so potent. It's probably the most important information that I can share with you. It is me reflecting on my journey and your journey of all of these years, all of these times, all of these days where you're wanting to quit drinking and what your mindset is. And what I know, because I went through every single consultation, um, intake form that I had and I pulled out all of these themes, and I'll be talking more about them because I want to answer the questions of the turmoil that you're in. And if you're listening to this, you now know there aren't two options. There's not just quit drinking and live in fear of missing out in deprivation forever, or resign to a life of drinking and sell yourself short because you are fully aware that it just doesn't feel right anymore. And you know, AA is not for you. So that's not even the option. We're not even going there. But there is this third option: enter holistic alcohol coaching. It is here. And the other reason I'm airing this now is because the permission protocol, which is my brand new five-part mini course, it is fire. It's my favorite thing that I've ever made part journey of powerful permissions to shift your drinking on your terms and to turn sobriety into this exploration of feminine freedom and unimaginable pleasure. Like the process itself, and this is what is so mind-blowing that you just don't know yet, is that the process of these permissions, the process of moving from doing what you think alcohol does to you to be able to do it on your own is the freedom itself that you've been looking for in a drink. And I'm here to show you the way, and that there is so much pleasure on the other side of it. So, this is for you if you're here because you've tried, you're tired of negotiating with yourself about drinking and your potential. You're you know you're negotiating your potential or you wouldn't be here right now. And so, this is how to end that mental tug of war and really just get this wild shift in perspective through these permissions, these feminine permissions that you need not only to change your relationship to alcohol, but to change your relationship to yourself. And also for every other area of your life as you grow and evolve into this exquisite, highly intuitive woman. And alcohol is having you sell yourself short. So it was available inside of the wild sobriety community and it's still there. I highly recommend joining us. We are off to an amazing start. Every single Wednesday, I am hosting a live call where I teach a little bit of a skill from the permission protocol, and then there is a share, an open share after. I will not be doing live coaching. That's something a group coaching that might happen in the new year, which I'm really excited about. However, not everyone's ready for the community. So I wanted to make it available on demand to you right now. The permission protocol is right here on demand to you. The link is in the description. All you need to go and do, put your email in, and you will get the course on demand as soon as you put it in. It is amazing. But what I really suggest is that you take your time and it's really small bite-sized videos with just one or two questions after each one, because I want it to be concise, but then apply what you are learning. Really apply it. And that's what makes the biggest difference. If you've been trying to quit for two, three, four years, chances are you've just not been drinking. I mean, I was trying to quit for 20 years. I wasn't trying anything. I was trying to just not drink and then replacing alcohol with something else instead of actually applying new tools, new skills, really unpacking what was going on underneath alcohol. And that is everything that my private mentorship offers. It is such a game changer for the process of drinking less, for the process of sobriety. It is unlike anything that you've ever done in your life, and it keeps on giving. It is the gift of my life that keeps on giving. As some of you know who have been here for a while, I shared there was some wild stuff that went on at the house. And, you know, it's still kind of going on. Things are well, if anyone's wondering. Um, there's been a kind of settling, and but it was, I was really reaping the seeds that I had planted in my sobriety. They just blossomed to meet me, not because of I wasn't drinking, but because of the way I was showing up for myself, the way I moved through grief and really to the other side of it. And now I'm in this place where I feel so solid about no matter what the future holds, frankly, um, especially regarding my personal relationship, my intimate relationship. So please know that this is how you show up for everything else in your life. It is such a game changer. And I offer my clients, I treat you like a queen. It is the most high-touch, full wraparound, holistic experience, I believe that is out there when it comes to alcohol coaching for women or sobriety coaching for women from the most loving, disarming, non-judgmental, fun place. Because if you know me, you know I don't do dumb stuff. And if you've been listening for a while, you know I like to have a good time. And I've been through some phases over the last couple of years. You know, I've had my own life that I've been living as well. But one thing that I know for sure is that sobriety from the feminine perspective, the way that I teach it, will change the course of the rest of your life for the woman that you want to become, the woman that you've been dreaming of, and the woman that you already are. And she gets to be re-emerge and you get to remember her and reconnect to her and celebrate her right now, celebrate you right now. But alcohol is just covering up all the goodness of your life, all the goodness of your future, all the goodness of all of the work that you've already done. And I know it's scary to think about leaving something that is so familiar behind. But when you use the permission protocol, and this is, of course, the process I take my clients through in depth, you really find the confidence and the strength and the trust in yourself that it stops feeling scary. Cause you don't just jump into the river floating. You mean that's the whole point of coaching, is that it's literally step by step that you can slowly release the reins and you generate evidence. And it's this easeful, simple, sovereign ritual of coming home to yourself. So enjoy this short episode. Download the permission protocol. There's like three call to actions. Come on over to the wild sobriety community. But no, if anything, once you listen to the permission protocol, you're gonna want to come to the wild sobriety community. Cause over there, it's we're we're just getting going. It's a small group right now, but it is people from all walks of life, uh, different varying degrees with sobriety, some sober, some not sober. And that's the that's the vibe. That's the community that I create and everything I do in real life and my community here in Oregon and in everything I do, where everyone's welcome and the people that show up there are not judging you for anything. And if they are, then they're gonna keep it to themselves. Have a wonderful day, and I'll talk to you soon. I've been thinking a lot about my journey with alcohol and what I was doing for all of the many years that I wanted to quit drinking, and this is such an important PSA. You do not need to be an alcoholic to quit drinking. And I have my own theories about the term alcoholic anyway, but when when I was wanting to quit drinking, kind of on and off for 20 years, the only solution that I thought there was was to not drink. I didn't even think about AA. I didn't that just wasn't even, I just knew that that wasn't for me because that's for alcoholics. Alcohol, it's called Alcoholics Anonymous. You're not an alcoholic, so AA is just not for you. So it's not even really a consideration. And maybe you've thought, am I an alcoholic? But the fact that that's not landing with you just tells you right there that that's not the solution for you. So for so many years, I just try to not drink and I fail week after week after week after week. They, in research that I've done, it says the average person or the average woman tries to quit drinking five to seven times, which is not true at all. Most people that drink with any sort of frequency and duration want to quit drinking all the time. They say this week it's gonna be different, or at least I'm not gonna drink Monday through Friday, and I'm only gonna drink on the weekends, right? So this is like a big sign of denial is the bargaining. We try to make rules. And what happens is 20, 30, 40 years later, you have been trying to control alcohol. All of your energy has been going into trying to control alcohol versus trying to control the only thing that you have control over, which is yourself. And this was the biggest blind spot that I didn't see. It wasn't just the not drinking, it was what did I need to do? What did I need to think differently? How did I need to feel differently in order for the behavior to change? So I never even knew that there was something different I could do until I found a coach, a woman, Brooke Castillo, talk about making alcohol irrelevant in her life. And when I when I heard her say that, I was like, that's what I want. Because the biggest problem for me was like, sure, maybe I could not drink, but I was always gonna want alcohol. And the fact that it was possible for it to just not matter was inspiring enough for me to try to figure it out. And so I started working with mentors, not just around alcohol, but I had a spiritual mentor and a coach, and I started actually questioning what was alcohol doing for me, what was the impact of alcohol? And a lot of times people don't think that it's impacting many areas of their life. So right now, because you've been drinking for so long, you just kind of get used to the way that it is, right? It's like if you're in a specific relationship with someone, you just kind of get used to the way things are and you don't see on the other side of it how, like, oh my gosh, I've been giving so much of my energy to this person. Or if you um, you know, when your kids are in the house or versus when they're gone. Like there's so many areas of your life when we get used to something, we are creatures of habit. We just kind of compensate for them in our lives. And that's not really the point. But my point is, is this is the PSA is that there is another option that's not AA, and there's another option that's just not drinking, because just not drinking doesn't work. You could just not drink for 10 years and still desire alcohol. But what we want is to make alcohol irrelevant to you so that you know how to do what you think alcohol is doing for you on your own, that you don't even really want it or care about it. And it's just uncovering and unpacking so many of those beliefs. Because if there's a whisper that the life that you really want, alcohol's not fitting into that, and resigning yourself to just being a drinker for the rest of your life doesn't settle with you, then you know that there's something else that you want. And what I really like to offer is that there's no surprises with alcohol. It's kind of like been there, done that, and all you're doing is just drinking in a new with a new backdrop. And pretty typically you're just drinking into the same thing under the same backdrop all the time. So there's not anything exciting that's gonna happen. And all of that mental energy, all of that time and that noise chatter that has increased over the years, and I know this firsthand. It's like it's not really a problem, and then it is when you're, you know, not feeling great from it, or maybe there's a situation that happens and then you kind of forget about it. But at this stage, after 20, 30, or 40 years, that noise gets louder and louder and louder where you're thinking about it. Am I gonna drink tonight? I'm not gonna drink tonight, this person doesn't drink, and it's it's all this negotiation. And what I want to ask you to ask yourself is what else do you want to fill that space with? And for so many women, for so many high-achieving women that are really involved with their children's lives, that are really involved in their business, that are really involved in their community, they're like getting stuff done. It's that they haven't practiced being in the gap for long enough. So you're either someone, something to someone, or you're doing and you're achieving and you're fulfilling that those transitionary periods, those times in between where there's this actual time for catharsis, you're so used to doing and feeling that it creates a bit of a numbness that that that time that you're with yourself, you don't really know how to feel. You don't really know how to fill it. It's like, okay, now what? And all that is is practice. There is a recognition of it, and there's a practice of, okay, well, I'm using alcohol to find that relaxation time. But what if it was just permission and practice to know I'm just not used to being in this space. I'm used to my time being filled with being someone to something or with doing. And that's a big piece of what I find where most people get stuck is oftentimes when they're by themselves. And the things that you say and do when you're alone with yourself, by yourself, have the biggest impact on the rest of your life. You do not need to be an alcoholic to want to have a new relationship with alcohol. All you need to have and know is that there's a tiny whisper that's been inside of you, knowing that this is not where your life is going. And as long as alcohol is in the way and taking up space, it's always going to be taking something away from your life because your kids are not going to be the age they are forever. The presence of your loved ones in front of you deserves 100% of your presence, your work that you work so hard for. You want to feel vital, you know, vitality and energy running through your body. And then the celebration piece of being able to sit at the vista without any external reward and allowing yourself to have these moments of catharsis because you work so hard, because you are the one putting in all of this effort. Enter holistic alcohol coaching. This is what I do. This is the third option between just not drinking and AA, which is that yes, there are a lot of areas of your life that alcohol is impacting that you've just gotten used to. And we center the change around you, and that's the best part. And then every other area of your life becomes better. It's amazing, and it is the empowered choice where there's no day one, there's no rules, there's no labels, and it's really about sustainability on your terms. Sobriety is simple, but change happens when you actually do something different. Because if you just don't drink, you take your mind with you. You stay in the same mindset that created the habit to begin with. I have opened my my calendar up for some extra appointments this week because the new year is looming upon us, and this is such a big change that so many people will want to make. And I want you to have the availability to get in to talk about what's possible for you, where you are, and where you want to see yourself. You know, the question is do you really want to be in this same space in a year from now? Do you really want alcohol to continue to take up more space in the conversation? Because I know you have much better conversations to be having in your mind and with the people that you love. So there's a link right here to schedule a strategy session with me, and I'm really looking forward to supporting you through the holiday season. And I will mention this that you don't have to quit drinking to start. That is actually the result you get, but you do have to do something different to create change. I hope you have a beautiful weekend. As a thank you for being such an important part of this podcast, I want to gift you my brand new free mini course, The Permission Protocol. It is a five-part journey to help you rethink everything you believe about the pleasure that is possible in sobriety and the radical freedom that is required to get to the other side. And it's available for you right now inside of my free wild sobriety community where we can hang out, support one another, and grow by honoring our authentic expression as women. Everything you need is right here in the description. I will see you inside of the community.