Wild Sobriety

Blindspot #5: Quitting Drinking Means Something's Wrong (5-Part Series)🌹

• Mary Wagstaff

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We unpack the fifth blind spot that keeps women stuck with alcohol: the belief that seeking support means something is wrong, rather than a powerful up level. We show how to replace isolation and shame with evaluation, evidence, and celebration so alcohol becomes irrelevant.

• reframing sobriety 
• moving from isolation
• replacing alcohol-as-reward 
• strategy's that work to track your progress
• sharing from neutrality to dissolve stigma and build connection
• future-focused identity work to reclaim lost parts
• practical rituals for emotional regulation and calm
• community, support, and sustainable next steps

Learn how to say no to alcohol, deprivation free from your wild feminine. 

As a thank you for being such an important part of this podcast, I want to gift you my brand new free mini course, The Permission Protocol
Everything you need is right here in the description

The 90 Day Life Renewal is a Private Holistic Coaching Program to gracefully help you move through the resistance of change, stay accountable and honor the version of you that is done waiting. What if this year, you didn’t just set a goal…but created a living plan that actually fits your energy, your values, and your season of life?  Apply & schedule your clarity call with Mary here.

Join The 90 Day Life Renewal!

A Private Holistic Coaching Program to gracefully help you move through the resistance of change, stay accountable and honor the version of you that is done waiting. What if this year, you didn’t just set a goal…but created a living plan that actually fits your energy, your values, and your season of life? Apply & schedule your clarity call with Mary here.

Download The Permission Protocol — my free 5-part mini-course — and start practicing the skills that make alcohol irrelevant on your terms.

DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.

SPEAKER_00:

Wild sobriety is for the woman who has outgrown alcohol and was never meant to follow the script. I'm Mary Wagstaff, a holistic alcohol coach, and after 20 years of daily drinking, I finally made alcohol irrelevant in my life. And now I help women just like you do the same through my proven five shifts process. Welcome to Wild Sobriety, Feminine Freedom Beyond Alcohol. Hi, my beautiful friend. I'm so thrilled that you're here today in this video. You are going to learn the final and fifth blind spot that is secretly sabotaging your sobriety. And yes, there are probably more than five blind spots, and I know that to be true, but today we are going to talk about why your belief, this change, and your needing support or seeking change means that something has gone wrong. This is one of the biggest blind spots because, in actuality, the truth is this is the greatest up-leveling glow up that you will ever have in your entire life. Seeking support for change in sobriety is truly the next phase of your evolution. And this belief that something has gone wrong is keeping you small, is keeping you stuck, and is keeping you isolated. And when you do share, you're sharing from a place of shame versus a place of celebration. So we're taking you from isolation to integration and celebration, bringing this whole new commitment to yourself, not to alcohol, to yourself into every single area. Now, this doesn't mean that you need to go and post on your Instagram. I have 165 days sober. I have a three day sober. No, that is not what this means at all. This means that you show up knowing I'm getting myself together, I am evolving, I am shifting my mindset, I am learning tools to support myself, my emotional bandwidth, my emotional intelligence, taking personal responsibility, seeing this as a glow up. It is such an important part of the process. And the other part of the isolation that we experience often as women is we move through our lives and all of the deep work that we're always doing for ourselves and for everyone else, kind of on our own. And we look to external validation and external praise. And when we don't get it, it feels like no one appreciates us. But how much are you actually giving that to yourself? How much are you actually what I like to call it as stopping at the vista and taking it all in, looking around and thinking about, oh my gosh, sometimes we really sell ourselves short when a year ago, where you are now was a dream in some area of your life. You have worked so hard to create a beautiful life for yourself, to move through obstacles, to make decisions about the family you want, the job you want, the creative endeavors you want, trips you've taken, ways that you have shown up for yourself. And maybe some of that isn't happening. And in the contrast, this is why you are wanting to change things with alcohol. But there is so you would not have gotten to this point right now, watching this video. I know you if you hadn't been busting your butt, trying to live the absolute best life for yourself and for your family. You are doing the best that you know how. And that's why you're here, because you are here to take your life to the next level. Because think about it. Why would you need alcohol in your life if you are crushing it? You don't need it, because alcohol is a crutch, essentially, to either increase, quote unquote, we think, to increase enjoyment, really, and actually not natural joy, or to eliminate the burdens of a discomfort or stress, right? We're either moving into alcohol because of some sort of fear or lack, even when we think we're using it as a celebration, we're actually feeling like there's not enough there. But this is your opportunity to give yourself permission and praise and the feeling of achievement alone. So often we think about alcohol as a reward. And this is one of the this is another blind spot, is that so many times you have taken a break from alcohol to only reward yourself with a drink. And that only reinforces that belief that alcohol is the reward. You are the reward. The sense of achievement and accomplishment and integrity and showing up for yourself is the reward. And so I recently just got off of a call with a client, and this happens so much. You know, she's not drinking, she's doing great, moving along with her life and feeling like normal. So things feel normal. Life is still just happening as life. And for some people, there's really big dramatic shifts. And of course, she's feeling better, but the feeling that she's feeling so much joy, so much more energy is kind of overriding how crappy she was feeling and how in low drain energy she's focused on this really positive impact, right? But she's like nothing new to report. And this happens so much, and this is why it's so powerful to have a process of evaluation regularly and really understand the work that it does take to create sustainability in this process. And it doesn't take that forever, but then you'll move on to new phases of your life and you have to still step back and reflect. Like for me, I have to look back all the time and remember and remind myself where I was because of course, we're humans. We always default to the negative. But as you grow your awareness, as you grow your mindset and you grow your emotional capacity, that starts to that time of defaulting to the negative becomes less and less because you're like, Mom, why am I going there? Right. Now, there's nothing wrong with feeling discomfort, but you can use discomfort as a portal to solve problems. So inevitably, we go through some coaching questions. I always ask for some evaluation shits. And sure enough, I end up with two pages of notes of all of these things that have shifted for her. All of these ways she's showing up more in alignment with who she wants to be, all of these ways her life is better. Times that she hadn't drank that were really big moments for her that she had kind of like brushed under the rug. And I was like, girl, we've got to celebrate this. And sometimes it can seem a little repetitive that we're going through these same questions, sometimes week after week, but the impact of the evidence, of the embodied evidence, and really holding yourself accountable to your own achievements is such a powerful process. And it is the process because if you don't call it out, no one else is gonna call it out for you. Now, there might be people in your life that you have some supportive others that are like, I see you, but I get paid to do this. I get paid to celebrate with you and I believe in you so, so much. This is the work that I do, and this is why I'm also here is to see you and celebrate you and believe deeply in you, because I would not be sharing this content if I did not believe that you were 100% capable of integrating this change of identity into every single area of your life and this mindset shift that something has gone wrong to this is the next phase of my evolution to the woman that I am becoming and to the woman that I was born to be is going to change everything. And the other reason the isolation is really keeping you stuck is because it really builds on that shame again, in the way that if I talk about this or if people know, then I've done something wrong. They're gonna have all these stories about me. And again, every single time I've done this or I've talked to a client who shares from a place of really neutrality and celebration. And oh my gosh, I'm doing this. I feel amazing. All every single time, inevitably, there is someone in that conversation, it starts a real dialogue, a connection for closeness, right? Where we think alcohol is the catalyst for closeness, where it's really about being real, about being deep, about the fact that mostly every single person that I've ever met has questioned their drinking. Now, whether or not they are willing to say it out loud is another story. But you saying it out loud from a place of celebration, from a place of being neutral, from a place of being casual. I just started going to the gym and working with a personal trainer. It's literally no different, right? So this, and if you lost 20 pounds or if you heal the back injury because you were doing physical therapy, whatever it is, you would celebrate that. This is no different. And this is where the mindset shift and beliefs have to be looked at because we have been stuck with such a social stigma. And fortunately, it's changing now that there are normal drinkers and then there's everyone else. And we'll talk about this more as time goes on, but it's just not true. Anyone can become addicted to alcohol, anyone can form a habit with alcohol, and I believe anyone can come become up to alcohol. Now, there are varying levels of what this looks like, what the journey of sobriety looks like based on so many facts that I will get into in another video. But what I really want you to take away from this is why for you, this is such an up-level. In what area of your life have you not been really willing, or what areas of your life is this going to impact that maybe you haven't done the work in other areas? Maybe you haven't taken personal responsibility in other areas. Why is this an up-leveling for you? And I really want you to future focus yourselves. And you necessarily haven't been there. And there's a question I've heard people, I want you to take a minute to think about yourself in the future, even in the year from now. What part of yourself will you have reclaimed? What's the part of you that you just don't really seem to have access anymore? That you are so excited to come back online. And for so many of us, we don't actually know what that is, but it might have been a younger part of you that as time goes on and as our habits get stronger and form stronger, it does take away some of the more innocent parts of us or some of the parts of us that when we were younger, that when we were more spontaneous, or maybe we love to dance or make art or something like that that you feel like has really slipped away, that you can see really being a part to re-emerge and be in that place of celebrating with her. And what would that feel like? Does that feel like shame? Another I really like to is think about someone you love that is close to you. And if they came to you and they were like, Oh my gosh, I've been on this journey of alcohol freedom. I'm really tapping into my cycles, I'm really tapping into honor my needs, that they're not the same all the time and my boundaries. You're gonna look at that person and tell them that they're that they're broken. No. Most of the time, what happens is people want that. And that is often what we're scared of. That we're going to maybe make someone else reflect on their own behavior. We'll also do a video on this about other people's perspectives. This is a big setback for people. I don't want to make someone else feel bad by bragging, by celebrating. But the real truth is that you are actually giving someone else permission to do the same, regardless of what they say and regardless of how they they respond. So the same response that you would give to a loved one, to your children, to your sister, to your mother, to your lover, whoever it is, I want you to give yourself that response. Go back, finish watching the other blind spot videos if you haven't seen them, and make sure to check out the 60 Seconds to Calm. It is my free guide to help you find relief in the time that it actually takes to pour a drink. Subscribe to the channel and make sure to follow along. Leave a comment down below. Tell me what it is that you're looking for. I would love to make a video just for you, and I promise to get back to you. As a thank you for being such an important part of this podcast, I want to gift you my brand new free mini course, The Permission Protocol. It is a five-part journey to help you rethink everything you believe about the pleasure that is possible in sobriety and the radical freedom that is required to get to the other side. And it's available for you right now inside of my free wild sobriety community where we can hang out, support one another, and grow by honoring our authentic expression as women. Everything you need is right here in the description. I will see you inside of the community.