Wild Sobriety

Your Future Is Riding On It , New Chapter, Life Update

• Mary Wagstaff

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To all my Warriors of Love — this is for you.

After a break for integration and creation, I’m back with a brand-new title, a new direction, and a new way for us to connect. Wild Sobriety is expanding to YouTube — not as a performance, but as a deeper conversation. In this episode, I share why I made the shift, what “wild sobriety” truly means, and how I’m integrating everything I’ve learned through my own healing, partnership, and growth. 

This is a love letter to everyone who’s been on the journey with me — those who’ve listened, drifted, returned, and kept the flame of curiosity alive.

In this episode:

  • Why I’m taking Wild Sobriety to YouTube for real-time connection and community
  • What “wild sobriety” means beyond not drinking — clear seeing, emotional maturity, and radical responsibility
  • How silence became my greatest teacher during a season of uncertainty and healing
  • The truth about transformation, patience, and trusting divine timing
  • A personal update about love, addiction, and choosing dignity over over-explaining

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DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.

SPEAKER_00:

Wild sobriety is for the woman who has outgrown alcohol and was never meant to follow the script. I'm Mary Wagstaff, the holistic alcohol coach, and after 20 years of daily drinking, I finally made alcohol irrelevant in my life. And now I help women just like you do the same through my proven five chips process. Welcome to Wild Sobriety, Feminine Freedom Beyond Alcohol. Welcome back to the show, my Warriors of Love. It is Mary Wagstaff. If you're new to the show, welcome. If you've been here for a while, welcome back. Welcome to a brand new title, a brand new introduction, and a brand new transformation. And I'll tell you all about Warriors of Love and what wild sobriety is and where we're going. And this episode is specifically, especially for you. For those of you that have been on this journey with me for a while. And if you left and you came back because you got what you needed, and hopefully I can connect with those of you that have been here for many years. And just so you know, that I'm actually recording this podcast episode with a video that will be available to you on YouTube. I am have been in a transitionary period and an integration period. I knew that I was going to be creating this transformation in my business to take my podcast and expand it to a visual version of it on YouTube. And what I really love about YouTube is that built into the comments, and there's many, many channels that are healthy where people support each other. There's the opportunity for doing live streaming where we can have live comments and connect, and there's a community feature. And there will be a community component soon for this transformation, for this wild sobriety transformation. I wanted to come on to talk to my listeners that have been here since the beginning, my avid listeners that have been here for all of it, and really speak to you and let you know. I would love to invite you to come over to YouTube. But the cool thing that happens when you record a video is you can easily make it into an audio. And so I will be uploading all of the audios right here to this same feed, but through the title of Wild Sobriety. This is also a little bit of both a live update of why I'm transitioning the podcast over to YouTube. And when you do hear the podcast on a YouTube audience, but I want you to know that that's YouTube. And so just know that you can come on over, subscribe to the YouTube channel, leave comments, leave questions, be engaged. But you will also be able to listen to this as an audio version as well. And how this might apply to you in your life is that we don't need to do things the same way. And one of the very first videos that I created on YouTube. So if you go over there right now, there's five live, six live videos actually that are up, which I will be dropping one at a time here on this podcast channel. But the first one was about alcohol being a blessing. I will get more into that in the episode. But the seeds that I personally planted for myself during my sobriety journey and during this time of wild sobriety and using the five shifts process has really lent itself and has been a crucial component of my own growth as an entrepreneur, as a mother, and most recently as a spouse, as a partner to my beloved. So I wasn't planning on taking quite as long of a break from the podcast. I was gonna take a few, a couple of weeks, do everything I needed to do. Turns out there was a lot more I needed to learn on YouTube. It's the feminine way, it's that patience of there's no rush, trusting in the timing, trusting and taking care of myself and really putting myself out there and set it and forget it. It's like I drop those videos and I am committed to a certain amount of time on there, knowing that I'll learn as I go, like I did on the podcast. And it is much different, actually, talking and doing video, seeing yourself. It's just a different beast. But what I want you to know, and what I want you to take away from this, is that the tools that you are gonna learn through this journey of wild sobriety are going to be the tools that are going to help you create the life that you love without needing external validation, without needing someone else to tell you and give you permission that it's okay. So I'm gonna move on from that. I do want to talk about wild sobriety and what wild sobriety really means to me. So come on over to YouTube. I will leave the link here right in the show notes. You can come on over, subscribe. It would be amazing to have some of you over there so we can get that channel going and you can leave comments right there. It's so much easier. I know there is a YouTube app, and you can get notifications, subscribe, leave questions, leave comments, and it's gonna be a lot of fun. So wild sobriety, sobriety for me, especially during doing work with women, has gone beyond just the absence of mind-altering substances. Sobriety to me, as we move through our journey of feminine awakening in this modern world to really understand how we got to this place where alcohol was serving and meeting our needs. Why did we do we even need that? Why are have we been unable to access those things on our own? And there's many, many theories that I have for that reason. But sobriety to me is really about clear seeing, is about being able to step into a certain place of emotional maturity where you understand that whatever challenge or resistance or darkness that you're facing in your life is an opportunity for your own soul's growth and maturity and soul correction. And if you ever notice how we work in cycles, right? In spirals, we will come up against the same challenges, the same things, being attracted to the same type of people that have the same issues again and again and again. And when we only ever look at the outside and we only ever blame how they could dot dot dot, we are never looking in the inside to be in that space of silence, to let silence be the strength, strengthening the vessel for us to let the divine fill the space, let light fill the space, let our own deep love for self and life fill that space instead of trying to fill it with something else. And I believe I'll go deeper into this in another episode, but that's one of the things that's another episode I have on the YouTube channel is moving from consuming to curiosity. Because what happens when we try to change anything is we fill the void of, say, the lack of alcohol by consuming and over-consuming other things because we get a little bit of a dopamine rush from it. We get a little bit of a dopamine rush from passive action and just from understanding. And I'll go deeper into a recent personal experience of this. So, this is sobriety. It is a clear seeing of what is my role in this separate from anyone else. How can I take radical personal responsibility for my soul's growth and for the personal values that I have, the personal dreams and ways that I want to live my life and having certainty that it will come to me when I am ready to receive that thing. And of course, if we have alcohol in the way, that's really gonna block us from receiving the miracles and being able to really strengthen ourselves in the way that we need to, in order to be able to hold that greatness and to hold that grandness. But I am here because I know that it is possible for you to do that. And the wild piece of sobriety is just that. What is wildness? I asked my mother, I said, Well, when you think about wild sobriety, what's the first word that comes to your mind? And she said, freedom. Being wild is something that we have associated with alcohol. It's been our permission slipper access to girls gone wild. But when we think about the container of alcohol, it is actually the opposite of freedom. It is the opposite of being wild. Being wild is your raw, authentic birthright. It is your raw, authentic state of being in this world, bone, flesh, and blood with your desires, with your passions, with your erotic nature, with your tears, with your sweat, with your rage calling out to the goddess, howling under the right. And all of this has been so stripped from us in our modern world. And I don't like to go back and blame and shame anything. I believe that we are at a crossroad, a crossroads, at a threshold, a convergence of seeing the space of equality for women, but also honoring the feminine that is so, so deeply and drastically different from the experience of the masculine in so many ways. It's the opposite. The outer and the inner are actually opposites. And we need that polarity to create wholeness, to create contrast. But alcohol has been an inverted truth into your back into your wildness. Wildness is just that. When we think about being out in the wilderness, it's not manicured, it's not put into a box. And we have, as women, tried to be all the things for all the people all the time, and it is not serving us. And the reclamation of your wild essence, and this doesn't mean that you don't get dressed up to the nines and look your best and look manicured. This doesn't mean any of that. This is the wildness, is your raw, authentic desires as a woman in every way she shows up. Because I know for me, I like to be dirty with dirt under my nails in the garden, sometimes with power tools, and also in a beautiful flowing dress, getting dressed up, having someone treat me, having someone take me out. I know that I have these layers of myself, but without pressure, without the need to prove that I can. And while sobriety is this combination of that, of clearly seeing through our most authentic nature, through our most unaltered rawness. Is there anything more wild than your raw emotional expression as a woman? My very good friend Nura Rochelle often says, We are of under no obligation to make sense to anyone, including ourselves. And I believe that this is the gift of the feminine. And this is why when women come together and circle, they share and they they can go in spirals. And one sentence can lead to a completely different subject. And this is what we have to honor about ourselves and not expect that same reciprocation necessarily from our male counterparts. And I believe through through a movement of feminine empowerment has come this righteousness and this anger towards the male counterpart. And in the end, it has only created dis-ease and imbalance in a dysregulated nervous system. And it has limited us from access to our own intuitive knowing from our sacred yes and our sacred no, and from the receptivity of pleasure of what it means to be a woman. Because if I know anything about most of the women in my life, is that they create the energy of the household. And this is the power that you have as a woman. And of course, this doesn't mean that we give permission for people to mistreat anyone, but it is first and foremost about you recognizing the power that you have in your own life to create happiness and to stop making excuses for why you don't have what it is that you want, for why you are not stepping into your own permission of pleasure and creativity, and truly a life where you are honoring the sacred whisper that is why you are here right now. And this will continue to evolve as we take our journey together. I have so many plans for this brand, for my work, and for the show. And if you want to go deeper right now, if you are feeling like I need to start to unpack this, I am now offering strategy sessions, one-off experiences for you, for brand new clients to come be heard, be witnessed, and really start to find that relief that you are looking for in the validation from everything else around you. So, moving on from wild sobriety, it is going to inform a lot of the content that I create moving forward, not only just around sobriety and how to quit drinking, but also the other side of addiction. Of course, we know there is a spectrum of use independency when it comes to addiction. And I really would like to start speaking more to the spectrum of not just alcohol, but addiction altogether, because there are some things that have come across my path and my own personal life that I do think could be really useful to be addressed. So if you haven't listened to the last, very last episode, I interviewed a woman named Amber Hollingsworth, who is a family addiction specialist. And on that show, I aired a little bit of my dirty laundry in a very private, intimate conversation about my beloved who has been struggling with an addiction that was really unknown to me, who I love dearly with all of my heart. He's been my best friend and my adventure partner. And I sought out Amber's advice because when women come to me, typically they're further along in the stages of denial where they are fully aware that support will be required for them to create transformation, where they've tried enough times on their own that they have become clear-seeing, sober enough in a moment to know that this will require some outside support. Now, you know, being in that space, of course, we want to be in that space. We work towards being in that space without shame, that nothing's gone wrong. And in fact, that's an episode I did on YouTube already that getting support doesn't mean that something's gone wrong. It's actually a huge sign that something's gone right, that you are evolving out of your stages of denial. So when I recorded that episode, I was under the understanding that Matthew had been sober for, I think it had been three months since the last time I had found out about this, the usage of this drug. Now, what I will say is there's not really, and this I will just again go into this briefly, but there's not really an ultimatum about the drug use in our household. It's not like if you're using drugs, I can't be with you. It was always more about the deception and feeling really hurt that this person, considering the irony of the work that I do, wasn't able to talk to me. And this was not an experience I really ever had with him because we were partying and drinking together. So, really, all of my alcohol and drug use was something that I was fully expressive to him. Now, of course, alcohol and being 100% sober and him not, clearly there was a lot of guilt and shame and maybe even resentment to talk about this thing. And the other thing that I didn't really know until just before I had recorded that episode, because this has been going on for a very long time, I didn't understand the severity of the substance itself, the chemical itself. So I'm telling you this because it was one of the reasons that I had to take a longer integration period between my last episode and today. And I'm telling you this also because there was a big transformation. There was a big reveal, there was a big blow-up, and it things came to a head in a way that I wasn't expecting that I was blindsided by, but that really needed to. And in our next episode, I am going to talk more about insecure attachment and how, in the face of addiction, really any secure person can become anxiously attached, which I had, but it was it was unknown to me. And in addition to that, what I'm being revealed now and my own silence away from Matthew right now is that there was a lot of, again, unintentional ways that I was coping through some anxious attachment, through not managing my own emotional well-being first, and you know, a precedent that him and I had set with one another without boundaries, without taking a step back to really being able to talk about our own growth as a couple. And it all really blew up. And uh, there, you know, he's taking has taken some time away. But what I really want to share with you about this experience is that the last time this happened, I was, I wouldn't say begging and pleading, but I would say I was so in shock that he could kind of turn away from me as his soul partner, his best friend, and say, hello, are you there? Like, are like see me, see me, and talk to me, connect with me about this. And what I didn't realize was that that was keeping the same old patterns of his addiction, the two of us in the cyclical nature. And this time that all changed. This time there was a complete break in me having my words or my say or my explanation, and also understanding that in the face of addiction and the severity of addiction, that there's really not much to talk about in terms of a relationship until there is full sobriety. And so that's something I want you to take away is that if you're struggling in your relationship under the guise of alcohol or drug use, you're not gonna solve anything because there is not clear seeing, there is a distortion, and there will always be some level of denial of the impact that this substance is having on your life until you get to the other side of it, until you start to get a little bit of space away from it. And that's really what we do through coaching is we give you enough of a step back and out of it to start to examine a new perspective, not from a place of guilt or shame, not from a place where you're being triggered by your partner, but from a neutral place where you really want to understand, okay, what am I here to learn from this? How can this be the most pivotal moment of my growth? The second thing that I want to impart on you, and kind of the final thing for this episode, is that the seeds that I planted over the last, I mean, gosh, I would say 18 years for myself or more, have really led to this moment for me to not freak out because what happened was big and it was heartbreaking, and there's still moments of grief and sadness and uncertainty. But I have been able to be in silence, and there's times where I've tried to fill the void with watching these tarot readings, so I'll be really honest about it. Tarot readings, or even trying to understand more about addiction, trying to understand more about Kradom. And I just came to this place recently in the last couple of days, or at least I've had moments of it over the last few weeks where silence is my strength. This is how I'm going to build this vessel and container because I don't know what the future holds right now. And what I know is I am on a mission to continue to grow this business. I am on a mission to continue to serve the women who are ready to hear what I have to say and continue to share this message of wild sobriety, feminine freedom beyond alcohol, and really work together to create a community so that we can heal the masculine and feminine dynamics on this planet. We can heal relationships. But most importantly is that we can heal our own wounding of being overly in our masculine, which is what I believe has created the increase in women's alcohol consumption to immeasurable proportions to men, that women are getting addicted and dying from alcohol in much higher rates to that of their male counterpart male counterparts. And my ability to not overexplain in this moment, and this wasn't happening six months ago or three months ago, not overexplain, not try to solve it, not need to be in control, not know what's gonna happen, and to really be in my own process would not have happened without sobriety. And I've shared this with a few of my clients over the years because I was in a relationship in my late 20s where I was engaged, I was with someone for three years and was blindsided where this person left. We were very close, very intimate, and I didn't really see it coming. I had to really sit with myself and really feel my emotions because I knew there was only a temporary shift, just like alcohol, when I would try to reach out to this person or try to get him to see and understand or validate or something. It was just again that temporary relief, just like alcohol, but the whole was still inside of me. And it was then that I started planting these seeds. And one of the reasons I think once I understood that alcohol could be the same for me, then I could use these same principles and these same concepts of mindfulness and mindset to go beyond this limiting thing that just wasn't serving me. And, you know, I don't know what my relationship with Matthew will be like moving forward. But if there is to be one of intimacy and connection, it will look completely different because in the face of addiction, there was a it's you can't say what came first, the chicken or the egg thing. But I know regardless how I was showing up in a way that I will never do out of my own dignity, out of my own respect, out of my own integrity. And that's what the next episode is going to be. And I will be airing that also on YouTube, self-sabotaging through the lens of self-betrayal, where we think that someone else is betraying us, but we're letting it happen. Now, of course, if someone's lying to you and being deceitful, you can't really know that. But you can know if you're compromising your own values and integrity to keep the peace, to try to placate someone, to try to make someone happy or control the narrative. I wanted to just come on and really speak from the heart because this is a big moment for me. And if you have any questions, I'm sure I will be, I know I will be taking a lot from this learning experience, a lot from this as an educational tool to teach you. I will be definitely talking more about the substance of Kratom itself because everything that I've learned really deserves and needs to be exposed because it's no joke. It's a drug that is starting to get more and more press. And I just want my audience to know about the dangers of it and really what it is and what I've experienced, not only from my first hand observation, but through many testimonials through talking to someone and many people actually that are addicted to this substance. And then also the flip side to this is I want to teach you about your anxious attachment and being in relationship, but now on the other side, now being a loved one of someone with an addiction, and again, there's a spectrum of use independency. I'm really saw a deeper experience of the stages of denial, of the impact that happens when one is in deep shame and hiding something and really in deep denial of how this is impacting their lives. And it can be very triggering and feel like maybe you're being called out a little bit. But everything I share is with the most love, respect, and honesty and belief in you because I don't want, I believe you're here because you can handle it. I believe you're here to gain a new perspective. And when we want to be sober and have clear seeing, we really have to look at the perspective of where we might be. I had to be able to look at this anxious attachment style and being like, yep, that's what I was doing in a lot of ways to be able to change that. I can't just be looking at his avoidant attachment and him just disappearing and that kind of thing, just so I can blame that. Now, again, it takes two to tango. There's it's like, what came first? Would I be acting this way so much if this wasn't happening? I don't know. And it doesn't really matter at this point. What matters is healing and moving forward, and that I'm in a stronger place for all of my relations moving forward for my son, for myself, for you, for YouTube.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, so I'm so glad I can come on here and smile because I've had many moments of heavy tears. Because to be honest with you, ladies, my heart has been broken into a million little pieces, and it feels like it's been stomped on. And I can hold that for myself, and I can also hold the lesson in my soul's journey.

SPEAKER_00:

And I don't want to lie, I don't want to say so much, I don't want to throw anyone under the bus, but this is my real lived experience. And I was just talking about it on the show. So life update, here we are. And I had asked Matthew about sharing about this earlier, and he was okay with it. I think part of that was his denial, somehow, that he was like, I'm not even embarrassed about this.

SPEAKER_01:

And I was like, Yeah, except you literally were hiding it.

SPEAKER_00:

Come over to YouTube, follow. Please come over and subscribe. I'm definitely going to start doing a weekly live stream, but I would be nice to have some subscribers that can be notified about it until I start that. I will at least be doing one weekly episode, if not two, and then they will be transferred over here. So you can do either or you can see me. We can connect. And I just really look forward to having you over there and to leave in the comments what you're taking away, what you would like to hear, and we can start a conversation. So have a beautiful day. Thank you so much for your presence, for your loyalty, and for your faith in love, for your interest in love, because you are a warrior of love. I'll talk to you soon. Thank you, my beautiful wild women, for being here. If you are loving the show, I want to invite you to come on over to my YouTube channel, Mary Wagstaff Holistic Wellness. And don't forget to download the free guide, 60 Seconds to Calm. This is going to help you find a relief from any emotion and less time than it takes to pour a drink. Have a beautiful day, and thank you so much for being part of this community. It wouldn't be the same without you.