Stop Drinking and Start Living- The Feminine Way

Sobriety in Perimenopause: Your Unbothered, Unapologetic Era

• Mary Wagstaff

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Are you wondering why alcohol doesn't work for you the way it used to?
Your body might be signaling a profound transformation – perimenopause. As a holistic alcohol coach working with women for over five years, I’ve discovered that this transitional phase requires a sacred pause from alcohol to truly understand what’s happening within.

Perimenopause literally means "the time before the pausing of the month/moon" – it’s a threshold experience inviting you into an unbothered, unapologetic era of your life. 

But here's the crucial insight: you cannot navigate this transition effectively while alcohol is in your system. It creates an imbalance on top of an already fluctuating hormonal landscape, making it impossible to gather accurate data about your changing body.

Key Takeaways:

  • Perimenopause is a transformational phase that alcohol can distort.
  • Alcohol disrupts hormonal balance, masking the signals your body is trying to send.
  • Shifting your perspective from "problem" to "possibility" helps you navigate change with ease.
  • The same tools that help you quit alcohol also support you through perimenopause: awareness, body literacy, and perspective shifts.
  • Taking a sacred pause from alcohol allows you to reconnect with your true self in this new phase of life.

Ready to discover what your changing body is trying to tell you?
Grab my free urge guide in the show notes to find relief without a drink—no deprivation required. Your unbothered, unapologetic era awaits.

DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Stop Drinking and Start Living the Feminine Way. I'm your hostess, mary Wagstaff, holistic Alcohol Coach and Feminine Embodiment Guide, here to help you effortlessly release alcohol by reclaiming your feminine essence. Sobriety isn't just about quitting drinking. It's about removing the distortions that keep you disconnected, overwhelmed and stuck in cycles of numbing. Each week I'll share powerful tools, new perspectives that transform, and deeply relatable stories to help you step into the power, pleasure and purpose that it is to be a woman. This is your next evolution of awakened empowerment. Welcome to the Feminine Way. Welcome back to the show. My beautiful listeners. It's Mary Wagstaff. If this is your first time here, welcome.

Speaker 1:

If you don't know me, I should reintroduce myself. I kind of have had this reinvigorating, inspiring energy about work, about marketing, about you, about me really fueling through me, and it might be the summer vibes, it might be all the fresh flowers that I'm cutting, but I've been a holistic alcohol coach privately for women for five and a half years and I know I have a lot of new listeners to the show and a lot of new people following me, um, and even just meeting people here on the farm If you are in Oregon and the Dells, like in um, close to the Columbia river gorge. Absolutely reach out to me. I am hosting the best thing ever. It's called ladies night and it is a Tuesday night on the farm and I had the most successful first week, first two weeks. Actually it was a dream. I'm pinching myself. It's so much hard work. But we're going to talk about that today. We're going to talk about the difference between problems and perspectives and especially during a perimenopause phase, which, if you're listening to this, you are probably in that phase or on the other side of it, um, but you might still be kind of finding your new hormonal normal. So one of my very favorite things to do and probably one of my greatest gifts I will say um, and it's so much easier now to really exclaim my gifts and the things that I feel like I'm kind of naturally good at. On the other side of sobriety because we should do that right Is honor ourselves and our achievements is gathering women and creating space.

Speaker 1:

I am a Taurus and Taurus come in many different versions, but it's really about the beauty way. A lot of Taurus are really um into like material things and just like the idea of like everything being the beauty way love, so fabrics, textures, clothing, senses. So for me I'm really like sensory sensitive, um, kind of in the best way. Sometimes it's a little overwhelming and I have to create an environment for that. And I know as women, especially during certain times of the month, we can also be sensory sensitive. But because of that I love to create. We laugh in this house called, we say, on Beyonce um, in tribute to the queen too, but um. So I love to create on Beyonce and I joke that every house I've ever moved into I've the queen too, but um. So I love to create ambiance and I joke that every house I've ever moved into I've.

Speaker 1:

The first thing that I do is have Matthew put in dimmer switches, because who can have bright lights? I once we were in this temporary house housing once where they had the fan and the light in the bathroom on the same switch, so every time you turned on the light in the bathroom you also had to have the fan on. Okay, that is my biggest nightmare. Who lives like that? So if that tells you anything about me, that is it. So this idea of creating this sacred sanctuary on the farm with flowers and then having women meet each other and mingle and cut flowers and then having women meet each other and mingle and cut flowers, oh my gosh Right, I mean I'm kind of like sleeping enough, but there's just enough time to sleep. Um, but it's not a problem, because winter will happen and eventually I'll die, and you know, then we move on.

Speaker 1:

So the time in between and I expressed this when I was inviting people to the um, to ladies night on the farm um is, you know, I was getting ready. I'm like cutting the flowers at harvest, and it's best to cut them in the morning, while they're still hydrated, and I'm like rushing through it so I can get to the gym, so I can get onto the things that. And you know, my biggest invitation to you is to not let your life and I know that this can happen during this phase is to not let your life be a to-do list, to not like let the most it just be going through the motions just to check another thing off the list. Because the truth is is all of the things that you've decided to do is, in my opinion, my perspective for my life. All of the things that I've decided to do and I see this with my clients there are things that you love, there are things that you've wanted to do, but when they all add up and they stack up and then you have actual human needs like sleep, like hydration and just resting your nervous system and sometimes literally not doing. We need breaks, we need downtime, we need time for creative energy, we need time to think and to just be, um, the things that we love to do. Even our families can become a burden, can become a problem, but I was talking to Matthew about this, so let me digress.

Speaker 1:

In the flower field that morning, I was like Mary, you, this is like who are you cutting these flowers for Right? You, you, I'm cutting them for me, right, even if I put them in a bouquet and sell them, even if they die, like whatever is. This moment is for you, and we know that when we engage with nature and the senses that we get, these like negative ions and our serotonin levels turn on and there's just all these magical things that happen. So all I did was I literally just stood up, I looked around, I took a deep breath and I softened my body intentionally. This is the magic of awareness, right, that you literally don't have to change your circumstance, and I talked to so many people who, who you know, sign up for consultations or come in for an emotional support session, and they're like I need tools. I need tools that are different than you know, than alcohol. I need tools to not drink and while that, you know, a deep breath, breath, work as a tool. Awareness is your best friend because you can have all the tools for your triggers of like I'm going to go for a walk, I'm going to drink a glass of ice water, I'm going to play the tape forward, I'm going to do all these things and they're all great. I'm not going to say they're not like Pack your bag with tools. But rather than having to have a tool and to solve a problem or even to change your circumstance, you can also have a new perspective, which is there's no rush. Right, that's the feminine way. There's no rush.

Speaker 1:

The second I told myself that in the field that morning I softened. I wasn't really moving quicker, or rather I wasn't really moving slower. It was a vibe, it was a total vibe and I did my thing. I didn't, you know, I was like, if I'm later to the gym, like I gave myself a little bit of leeway. I've had to really be working on my schedule these days, um, but I knew I had some time that I had buffered, that I probably would have done. You know, typically scheduled for marketing or something in between getting home from the gym and my first client. So I was like, you know, I'm still figuring out the harvest schedule and, um, there's always time, you know, I can write an email at any time, but I can't always harvest the flowers at that time. So I it just wasn't a problem, right, and so there's a softening.

Speaker 1:

Now sometimes, and inevitably, our minds are going to take us away. They're going to take us away from even the ability to access that, or life is just going to kind of pour things on you so say, there's something like like that was all in my control right Now. Sometimes you don't have that because you have to be to work at a certain time, or it starts pouring down rain and there's, you know, like the laundry is hanging out or whatever it is, and you are kind of hustling. But there's still the opportunity for a shift in perspective and I will continue to say this because I need to hear it every single day. If I've made it this far, things are working out in my favor.

Speaker 1:

Matthew and I were just talking about how, um, and if you look at like, say, the seven generations past of your ancestry, rather than a no, evolutionarily, that could have depleted that line, there was a yes, there was a yes for whatever happened right For the next phase of the evolution that kept the species surviving, like it's just been a yes and a yes and a yes and a yes because you've made it this far right. And what else do we want, right? Do we want it served on a gold platter? And the thing is of controlling your mind and your attention is there is a million ways for people to distract you from your joy and your happiness and that is available to you every single day. And if I'm not counting my blessings, I'm doing it wrong. I can focus on a million things that are wrong in the world, or I can focus on a million things that are right and have more access and more capacity to be a solution and an anchor and a grounding force, right.

Speaker 1:

So the sobriety 2.0, what I'm noticing and what you will all start to see my content shifting towards a little bit, is perimenopause. I've probably been in perimenopause, at least like kind of in a big way for like three years, and it wasn't that I like didn't want to admit it, it just that it wasn't blaring enough, blatant enough that I was like, oh, this is it, and I really want to. It needs my attention because my health is being affected by it and you know I've been obsessed with charting my cycle. Like, charting my cycle has one of the ways that I got sober and one of the things I teach my clients and my cycle started to shift. So, to find my new hormonal normal, I had to start charting my cycle, um, like in a kind of a different way, or just paying attention in a new way, and it's been such a game changer and such an honoring to this phase. That really is the pivotal moment that we get to have as women, to step through a threshold as a rite of passage that maybe we didn't have in motherhood because we didn't have the awareness or we didn't have the knowing, or we were just too distracted or just wasn't as important.

Speaker 1:

So perimenopause literally mean the time, like the space before leading up to time standing still right. So menopause is the pausing of the month, or the pausing of the moon, if you look at the etymology of it. So it has nothing to do with men. It's actually a Greek word, men, meaning moon or month, and this is how we track our cycle, so we know it's in alignment with the moon. Now, your cycle might not always sync up with the actual new moon to dark moon and ovulation being at the full moon, but, um, you can start to chart it that way Once you are in menopause, once your menstruation ceases to be.

Speaker 1:

So it's this pausing of time, it's like space out of time, right? And what does that mean for you? Well, it means we don't have to live by the same rules that we once lived by. That we get to be in this that we've once lived by, that we get to be in this unbothered, unapologetic, permissive experience. And whether or not you're most, I guarantee you either you're listening to this and you're in perimenopause or you're on the other side of this is most of my clients, and this is why they come to me because alcohol isn't working anymore, because it's not working for the change in your cyclical nature. So I'm really shifting my focus to help perimenopausal women take a sacred pause from alcohol, so that they can find a sacred pause it's a little play on words their new hormonal normal you will not be able to find out what is new for you and find a new way of being in your new body and remembering and reclaiming who you are now, while alcohol is still in the mix, it's impossible, there's just no way, because it's creating an imbalance on top of an imbalance. So to find your new hormonal normal say that 10 times fast and to track the data right, we have to eliminate anything that's in the way of that. We have to be able to track the data from a very neutral, loving perspective.

Speaker 1:

In honor of all of the time Like I get so excited now when I start my period A, because it's like the best time of the month for me, when between in it right now and I'm on cloud nine and I've got lots of energy and I feel really good, and you know, my days 15 to 21 have switched to be kind of my downtime, the time where I'm just like really need more sleep, energetically low and like that's okay, right, and so something I you know, one of the thoughts I want you to take away with this week is that no one else needs to understand but you. But when you're seeking external validation and you'll probably hear me say this in the next few podcasts is that you might not understand, and the chances are is that if you're struggling with alcohol, that and you're like, why did this used to work and it doesn't? And there's this back and forth, and this tug of war is that if you're struggling with alcohol and you're like, why did this used to work and it doesn't? And there's this back and forth, and this tug of war is that you don't fully understand you right now. Right, because if you haven't taken the time to really take a step back and chart your new normal, you're not going to understand. And when alcohol is in the mix, it's just going to throw everything into a loop. So I am offering this is the first time I've offered this and it's going to be on the calendar from here on out a emotional support session. This is a one-off 75 minute opportunity for you to come and take that step back and really make a plan for yourself right now.

Speaker 1:

So, in addition to my private coaching program, I had a one-off session recently with a mentor and kind of um a colleague of mine as well. I just really needed to be heard, to be seen and to get perspective and to get kind of over the hump of where I was at. I was kind of spinning right. I was spinning and compounding those emotions and being seen and having someone tell me that they understand and really giving me a path forward was such a game changer for me and it's really helped me clear this mission up for me. Uh, this shifting into really tying in the necessity of the pause from alcohol to understand your perimenopause Because what I've experienced personally is that the tools that I use to quit drinking are the exact same tools that I'm using to navigate through this change in my life and I'm so excited for it.

Speaker 1:

To be frankly honest, I'm just like this is my era. I am in my unbothered, unologetic era, but with such like making space for so much compassion and a big heart, and so there's a different perspective, like there's a different intention, but they are the same tools and so I'm so glad I have them and I'm so glad I was able to see it and I'm so glad that I'm able to shift into perspectives and create solutions through perspective rather than problems. I love you. You're so amazing, reach out and I can't wait to connect soon and we are still going to be moving forward every single month with our live sister circle.

Speaker 1:

So if you're not on my email list, sign up, you will get the link and you'll also get the calm guide to help you really help to shift into this inner self-validation so that you can start to understand yourself. Bye, the days of white knuckling your way through an urge are over. No more distracting yourself, no more avoiding alcohol, no more resisting and I am not exaggerating when I say that doing this one thing for five minutes will change not only how successful you are in drinking less, but how much you will love your alcohol-free life. You are going to feel so good. So come on over to my website or follow the link right here in the show notes to grab the free urge guide that gives you the exact cheat codes to use to find relief without a drink. And the best part is no deprivation, no missing out required. I'll see you over, marywagstaffcoachcom.