Stop Drinking and Start Living

How Sober Are You Willing To Get?

• Mary Wagstaff

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How alive are you willing to feel, is really the question I am asking today? Can you show up even bigger for life than you thought possible? Sobriety does stop giving after you get it out of your way. It's a mindset of removing the veil of illusions that have kept you stick in fear.

In today's episode you will take away:

  • the questions you need to keep asking to stay motivated
  • how authenticity is now a means of survival
  • how to rediscover your vibrancy 
  • sobriety as a gateway to a more mindful, conscious life
  • alcohol as a starting point to a more confident empowered you
  • AND MUCH MORE...

PLEASE SHARE, LIKE & SUBSCRIBE. It helps weave the web of awakening the planet. 

This time of year can be full of joy, but it can also come with extra stress and temptations around alcohol. So, I thought, why not offer something to help bring in a bit more ease and peace?
I'd love to spend this time together with you. I miss you! 
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You have everything you need right now to find alcohol freedom with The Stop Drinking & Start Living Course. Join 100's of Women who have successfully eliminated alcohol from their lives using The Five Shifts Processes. Click here to learn more and join.

Speaker 1:

Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that you are longing for a deeper connection to life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and feels like the one area you just can't figure out, you are in the right place. Hi, my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. A 20-year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help powerful women just like you eliminate their desire to drink on their own terms.

Speaker 1:

In this podcast, we will explore the revolutionary approach of my proven five shifts process that gets alcohol out of your way by breaking all of the rules and the profound experience that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. I am so thrilled to be your guide. Welcome to your journey of awakening. Welcome back to the show, my beautiful listeners. Thank you so much for being here. If you're new, welcome.

Speaker 1:

My name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a holistic alcohol coach for women. I'm also an embodiment facilitator and ceremonialist and ritualist, and I'm also an ecstatic dance DJ. I'm just going to say it out loud is that one of my really big dreams? That I feel like I have more access to now that I have on the other side of the retreat the international women's retreat that I just co-facilitated is I feel like I have access to living all of my biggest dreams ever, and that's what we're going to talk about today. Last week we talked about desire and the one with the biggest desire wins. It makes it so much easier to move through the resistance, to expand your capacity when your desire is pulsing through you, when you're in authentic alignment with it, being in front of everyone live, as I was teaching and I was guiding and I was doing embodiment work and even the one-on-one work because I met with every single one of the participants one-on-one, which was so amazing to do these embodied healing journeys live and to be able to just give my clients a hug after it was just so awesome and to feel that deeper sisterhood connection beyond any sort of hierarchical role. I want to rock the stage as like the go-to embodiment facilitator, dj for powerful women and leadership that are shifting the paradigm into feminine leadership.

Speaker 1:

There are just some people that I follow that I think you know. They're hosting these big workshops, these big massive like conferences and events where women are having these transformational experience and they're kind of on a bigger scale, right? Not like the intimate setting of a retreat, but also a retreat that might be on a bigger scale. And that is a goal of mine also to do that at festivals, to guide people through awakened and do workshops and talk about awakened sobriety, as people are having these conscious movements or getting into their bodies, they're awakening to themselves and then guiding them through these pillars of of awakening and why sobriety, like what sobriety means as a birthright. So there was so much. I can't emphasize enough the importance of integration, integration as celebration.

Speaker 1:

That was the one thing that I was not prepared for. I prepared before I really created my schedule to honor the energy I was going to need. I got to Mexico early, I stayed a little bit late so I could really ground myself in the energy, so I could present myself with integrity, with authenticity, with trust, with, with you know, a clear head, and I asked for support while we were there. We had a team of sister support and the retreat center and, of course, my beautiful co-facilitator, nora, rochelle and um, and we were really on the same page. And then like, but the and I thought staying for two days after the retreat was going to be enough and it didn't even scratch the surface. Two days was just enough for me to like remember my name, kind of, although I was very present the whole time. And then, you know, I was kind of forced into submission and I talked about this a little bit on the show, about the eclipse portal, because oftentimes an eclipse can be really, you know, very powerful and kind of take you out because there's just it's you're, you're in this place, depending on where it is in your chart. It's like showing you your shadow and and we have to be like.

Speaker 1:

I just got off a call where my teacher said Tasha, blank um, that it's our desire. Let me give you what she said verbatim, because it's beautiful. Our deepest desire and our deepest fear live right next to each other, and that may have actually been from one of her teachers. Our deepest gift and our deepest fear live right next to each other and I would say our gift is our desire. Our deepest gift and our deepest fear live right next to each other. So we have to be willing to go through the fear to get to the desire right. And that's what this awakened journey is all about, because if there was no fear around sobriety, then you would just be like jumping headfirst into it. You'd be feeling all your feelings, you'd be feeling the emotions of urges and like, but the the basis of it is is fear, right? So, um, you know so? So, anyway, I was, I was there with all of that, and the eclipse portal was like very easeful for me.

Speaker 1:

It was the, the post eclipse and, of course, you know, just like my physical body it's like thinking about like you use all this adrenaline and then you kind of crumble. And then there was just reintegration with time and my being a mother and, you know, working from home, and we were in a new place. And then there was like this big full moon, my birthday and Matthew was gone. There was just so many different elements of change, just the climate alone. My skin was like cracking and super dry after being you know out where. It was like really super humid, and then my body just kind of gave out and you know there was some resistance there because I had so much inspiration.

Speaker 1:

I had so much inspiration of like all like you have no idea how much my mind is just going right now of the next thing, but I know that I've already designed my life and I'm co-creating with my life, that it's in order. Like everything right in front of me is going to lead me to this thing I just declared, which is being like this go-to workshop presenter um for awakened sobriety. For um, you know, aligned sobriety and embodiment and feminine embodiment and how important that is, and also DJing along with it. So just putting my dreams out there, because I know what I'm doing right now I mean I'm literally in school, so I have to get there, go through that first. So you know, giving ourselves time for, for integration, whether it's a weekend away, whether it's hosting a big party I coach my clients on this all the time is what does the after look like? And I almost think that's more important, like I can pack my schedule pretty good up until I leave for a trip. But it's the integration piece, that of coming back home, that I feel like I need more time for and because you know you build all this energy and then you kind of have to come back into like the day to day and the other people, and so I can set my intentions to go on the trip, but it's the physical space that I need on the other side of it, to really integrate and really looking at. You know, I wasn't planning on talking about this and I have shared this before, but it's like who is on the podcast? I highly recommend going back to listen to her episodes.

Speaker 1:

To France, we are going to be walking the path of Mary Magdalene and Venus. We are going to be there at a potent time in the Venus cycle where she is going to be in the underworld and, I believe, where she is conjunct with the moon at a point while we're there, and so this will be my third pilgrimage with her and they're very potent and I'm just at a level of awareness where my intuition is really online, really really spot on. And the question and what I really want to propose to you today and what I saw really come through with this intensive immersion of the retreat and then again my next phase, where I'll be the one kind of receiving on the other side of it with going on this pilgrimage, is how sober are you willing to get? This is the question that I just keep coming back to and that I'm always really just so proud of myself for since I mean, I've been on this journey of putting myself in transformational spaces since before I was sober well before I was sober. So I've always had this like curiosity of these wildly like esoteric, mystical experiences, and I really don't feel like I'm chasing it, because there's been parts of time where I have been chasing like what's that next thing of this heightened experience?

Speaker 1:

But the integration, okay, and then. So this is why I'm talking about the integration. It's the integration piece that actually allows you to become the change inside of you know, like our muggle world where we have to pay bills and talk to doctors and go grocery shopping and cook food and there's ritual that we can incorporate into all of that. But it's so important. We lose. And that's where the alcohol comes in, because you have lost the connection to the meaning of your life, and maybe there wasn't ever anyone, it's just the alcohol is in the way, the alcohol is in the way of our deeper meaning connection to the essence of who we are. It is not in alignment with who you are anymore and that is why you're struggling.

Speaker 1:

So, in order for you to get out of there, you have to grow that desire and you have to ask yourself how sober am I willing to get? And when I say sober, I mean, how big are you willing to live? How much life are you willing to experience? How much are you willing to feel? How alive are you willing to get? That is the question you have to ask yourself, because it doesn't have to be big, extravagant things, it doesn't have to be retreats in Mexico or pilgrimages to France that's kind of my thing, right. But how much are you willing to look into the eyes of your beloved or let the moon witness you so that you can really be seen in your full radiance, completely connected and really claiming and honoring your connection to the elements of life? Like putting your feet on the bare earth, being a little bit uncomfortable in some sort of newness and movement of your body, showing up at a new space, holding space for someone, listening to someone else's story, listening to the story of your own body, starting a sister circle in your community, showing up at a sound healing, hiring a coach, asking a new question these are all things that are going to require of you more aliveness, right, doing some breath work. How sober are you willing to get? How much are you willing to move beyond the conditioning of the mind and the beliefs that you currently have that are keeping you away from living life to the fullest, that are keeping you away from your desires and your dreams. Right Now we can find satisfaction in anything In the book the Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer.

Speaker 1:

Highly recommend it. I think it's the best of his books because it just gives this firsthand personal account in the untethered soul and living untethered. He's really giving. He talks about his story a little bit, but he's really kind of giving these anecdotal stories and in the Surrender Experiment he just shares exactly what he did and it's profound, right, like I mean, and there's a little bit of a masculine edge to it where I think, with women, you know, he kind of just says everything, yes to everything that life is presenting to him and I think, you know, we have to be willing to say no sometimes to what life is presenting to us, depending on where we're at. Like there's a couple of things of that book that aren't, you know, like in alignment with necessarily what I teach. But he talks about how everything can be a spiritual practice, no matter if he was like in the office building code for you know, websites, or he was offering lectures meditating at his temple in Florida. Everything gets to be part of his spiritual practice, and that's what this is about.

Speaker 1:

The question of how sober are you willing to get? Yes, with drugs and alcohol, but with your awareness, with turning on what this life is really about and sifting through the distortions and the illusions that have kept you stuck, the stories that tell you I have to do this right, I have to meet the needs of these people in my life right, and this is what we get to sift through with compassion and curiosity in our one-on-one time and in my self-study course, which is all about awakening your sobriety. And that is where it's such a good place to start. You have to ask new questions to get new answers, and I'm going to go through over the next few episodes and then I'll have some surprises for you.

Speaker 1:

Really, the takeaway from me for the retreat, because this retreat would not have been possible. It was such a pivotal, big, big moment in my life and I want to share about it because I want to inspire you to know it would not have been possible without sobriety, 100%. But what sobriety gave me? Not through the lens of just the absence of alcohol and drugs, through the absence of awakened sobriety, aligned sobriety, where I was at the center of change and what we kept talking about, nura and I, about this retreat and the takeaway from these women that you'll hear about, was that it was the reflection of the other people and the sacred sisterhood. Like I can't without other people, this work doesn't land right, like I would not continue to have more growth and more awareness without it. So, yes, it's the absence of alcohol, so I can be clear headed and function and not feel like crap and have you know and function and not feel like crap and have you know, and I can be in harmony with my body and I can be a clear channel for divinity, but my own divinity and connection to nature. But I can also respond to the needs of other people. And the biggest thing, that the reason that sobriety is such a magical platform through you know really that I'm talking about through the lens of the feminine, right through feminine reclamation sobriety is such a magical platform through you know really I'm talking about through the lens of the feminine, right Through feminine reclamation.

Speaker 1:

Sobriety gave me access. I guess it was kind of both. It was like when I started to awaken the feminine. The feminine was a safe place for me to explore sobriety. It was the missing piece of the desire and the need I had that I was using alcohol for right, and so there was this essence of me that I started to tap into, and that's what was available to you, to my clients and to all the women at the retreat is like tapping into this essence. What is the need that's going unmet, you know. And so being willing, right, and this is where I get to ask myself how sober am I willing to get every single time and how much of life am I willing to live through the lens of service, through the lens of devotion, and because it's not even about me right, at this point it's like, yes, it's fun and it's awesome, and I do have like chemicals that run through my body and I learn more. But if I really focus on my intention, of what am I being invited to next?

Speaker 1:

And the thing with the retreat was I had to be willing to be brave enough and get out of my own way and do it through service, to invite people to connect with themselves in ways that was going to feel uncomfortable. I didn't want to just offer them, you know, the thing that they had been doing at their house, the thing that they can get in their hometown, get on YouTube, get anywhere. I had to be willing enough and I have to do this on my client calls to to like feel a little uncomfortable in my, in my experience and ground myself to know like this might be new to them. They're going to experience resistance and like to not take it personally, but that's what they came for. They came for something new, they came for a different experience. What I know is that if you're here listening, you are ready for more meaning and connection in your life and it's your job to say yes, to go out and seek it. And that can be a really small thing.

Speaker 1:

Something I've been doing since Matthew's been gone for these couple of weeks is I usually kind of have some resistance of like, oh, I don't get to go to my yoga schedule or my workout routine, my morning rituals, like thrown off, you know, because I got to, like make breakfast and do the morning thing right. Well, I've created space in my schedule where I walk him to school and the second I walk him to school. I go for this for a walk, and I re it's really important for me to get um walk a walk in every single day and it's been so perfect. And now I'm like, oh my gosh, why wasn't I doing this schedule before, cause it's so awesome? And I found, like there's this little trail that goes through this beautiful part of this creek, connecting in with the river, and it's just been so lovely, and so that's you know.

Speaker 1:

Another way of like asking myself how sober am I willing to get, how much am I willing to get out of my way so I can drop the resistance of the way sometimes it is, which is going to yoga or doing my strength training or meditating in the morning and do something different, so it can show up in so many ways. I want you to ask yourself that question and I want you to write it down how sober are you willing to get and what scares you about that? What's in the way of that? What are you willing to do that you maybe just feel like I haven't had access to, or I just don't know where to find it. You have these questions right, and again, when I ask that, it's more about how alive are you willing to feel? My dad sent me a card for my birthday. It's so cute. He had asked me if he sent it to me before, and I'm like you may have sent it to one of us, but it's a dog, this cute little dog, just like, jumping and skipping in the air across the lawn, and it says live life like someone left the gate open. So that is really what this is about. My dad has always told me my zest for life is infectious. So you know, this isn't necessarily a new thing for me, but my bravery right, Because when I was doing this, when I was going out as a seeker and a seer before sobriety, I was a wanderlust.

Speaker 1:

I was looking for everything outside of myself. Now I'm looking at these opportunities of noticing how I'm growing, how I'm shifting on the inside. I didn't know what I was looking for. I was looking for the external to be the change, versus the external being a catalyst for me to change. And I know that the happiness is like all of the things. The satisfaction is all the things I get to do with it, how I get to interpret it, how the integration piece, how I offer it. I get to interpret it, how the integration piece, how I offer it. And so the willingness to show up to live life more fully is like not the eat, drink and be merry. It's what are the sensations happening in my body and how am I interpreting them and what am I going to do with them. So there's so much here to take away. I would absolutely love to know what you're taking away from this episode today and please, if this would resonate with someone and it resonated with you at all share it on your social media. Share this episode, because there is some woman out there that needs to hear this, and this is how we change the world. If you have not left a review on Apple Podcasts, please subscribe and leave a review and share all the episodes, because it really is an honor of keeping this energy exchange going. I'm so proud of you. Thank you so much for being here. Have an awesome week.

Speaker 1:

You know how you keep trying the same thing with alcohol to try to moderate, to make excuses, to make rules and it's still not sticking. And really, every time you try to quit drinking, it almost seems to make things worse. That is because you are looking through a black and white lens, either on or off, and what my method, the five shifts process, does is it helps you take a step back and to open your perspective, where you start to really look at the relationship you have with yourself and learn how to do all the things that you think alcohol is doing for you on your own. All of this information is available to you right now in a really short and concise free training on my website, marywagstaffcoachcom. So get on over there, sign up. It'll take you about 10 seconds and I will see you on the inside. It's going to change your life forever.