Stop Drinking and Start Living

Rethinking the Romance of Alcohol and Authentic Joy

• Mary Wagstaff

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Have you ever found yourself caught up in the enchanting haze of alcohol's promise, believing it holds the key to life's most thrilling chapters? Unpacking  the cultural narrative that paints alcohol as the hero of our stories, the liberator of our inhibitions, and the spark in the romance of life. Explore how these potent tales influence our perceptions and entice us to chase an illusion of freedom that alcohol seems to offer.

Through the intricacies of pleasure, autonomy, and the societal pressures that shape our experiences—especially through the lens of women's voices. 

We'll confront the authenticity of joy as it's often depicted, intertwined with alcohol, and challenge the notion that our past indulgences are somehow superior to the possibilities that await us.  With a blend of coaching, mindfulness, and vibrant conversation, let's reimagine a life of romance and connection unclouded by expectations—a journey where each step is an authentic expression of self, crafted by our own hands and hearts. 

Learn how every moment can be savored to its fullest without the need for a glass in hand. Join us! 

Learn the 6 Simple Cheat Phrases To Calm The Urge To Drink And End The Internal Battle! Follow the link HERE. 

You have everything you need right now to find alcohol freedom with The Stop Drinking & Start Living Course. Join 100's of Women who have successfully eliminated alcohol from their lives using The Five Shifts Processes. Click here to learn more and join.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, welcome back to the show. My beautiful listeners, I'm so thrilled that you're here. I hope you're having a beautiful day and if you're not, how is this for you? How is whatever's happening in your life right now? How is this for you? How is whatever's happening in your life right now? How is it for you?

Speaker 1:

Maybe there's just a moment of a shift in perspective, even if it feels like the worst thing ever. Is there some way that this is for you? And if it doesn't feel like that, that's a possibility to reflect or bring it in. It's okay that it's not okay. I just want to invite some of those intentions and those shifts in perspective into our day today. Those are a couple of thoughts that I use often when I'm having resistance, when the reality doesn't meet my expectation A, I'm very clearly shown that I had an expectation which I really try to go into. Many things open and to beginner's mind. But when I see my resistance, I'm like, oh, I had an expectation of what this was going to be like that it's not, or I wouldn't have any resistance. So that's a really beautiful way to uncover expectation and really shift into intention, and that's a good segue into what I wanted to talk about today, which is the romance of alcohol.

Speaker 1:

Alcohol has this way of creating romance even in not so pleasant situations. Right, we've kind of seen the rebel who is distressed. You know, we've seen this all portrayed in Hollywood. You can even think of something like a character that Audrey Hepburn you know, or some some character like that that's been played, where there's this kind of independent woman who doesn't really have it together and, you know, is intoxicated often, or at least alcohol is a big part of their life. And there is still something romantic about it, right, even the way that cigarettes have been portrayed in our culture, it's like it creates this outside of the societal norms. It connects us a little bit with the rebel or maybe even the wild woman, energy. But in the end we see there is a wounded soul. Right, we see the inner workings of a, you know, an inner child who needs some love and tending to, because in the end they're not really satisfied. There's this, this, you know, ego facade, but underneath all of it is what A real longing for connection, for deep, true connection, and our connection to the hero's journey has so much to do with this.

Speaker 1:

Culturally, in the West, we empathize with characters or situations where there is conflict and we have to see the character move through resistance, where they hear the call to change and they resist the call to change. And they hear the call to change and they resist the call to change and finally they have to, they have to answer the call right, and then they go on a journey and there's all sorts of problems inside of the solutions and so on and so forth, until they reach some sort of external tangible goal. And there's something about human psychology that can really relate to this, and this is why we see this again and again and again and why people really love the hero's journey, why people love a story of triumph and relate to that. And there's also something romantic about the way in which alcohol is portrayed in, you know, an intimate relationship in a, you know, in a leisure, leisurely setting where one is outside again of the confines of the day-to-day grind, right when you are in maybe a dark lounge environment with your lover, and the music is perfect and the lighting is low and slowly the world is fading away as you are gazing into each other's eyes, right, and so we create these all sorts of scenes that could be a scene at sunset on the beach, and what's happened is these environments or these ideas or ways of being outside of our day to day, what often becomes mundane, feels like an escape, right. And then we add alcohol to the mix and we create even more of an escape from our thinking.

Speaker 1:

So alcohol has been present with the things that you associate as romantic, or it's at least been portrayed in that way. It might look very different in your life than it's looked in the movies, but you may associate a time when you were single, when you were younger, with alcohol, when you were living a life more free of, where your time felt more like your own, where you didn't have more restrictions on your time, things didn't feel so regimented and scheduled all the time, right. And so there's this romantic idea of being free, of being wild, and alcohol has been the way in which you have associated with those ideas, or even that it's been portrayed to you in your adult life. So all of the things that are still available without alcohol are still available. All of those areas of a dark lounge with music still exists, with or without alcohol available.

Speaker 1:

Now the solution to really understanding and getting beyond the association of alcohol with these things is curiosity, and we've talked about the importance of autonomy and I had an episode all about that a few weeks ago, so you can go back and listen to that but the importance of autonomy in creating more meaning and connection in our lives as grown women, that this is a being in charge of one's self, being in full authorship of one's life, while in the collective, while in community, while connecting and this really is Nura, and I have talked about this before on the show while in community, while connecting, and this really is Nura, and I have talked about this before on the show. This really is the invitation of the Aquarian Age, this idea of the individual being the contributor to the whole and being more powerful in relationship to the other, but with way more solutions when we bring our full, authentic self to the table, to the conversation. So you have simply relied on alcohol to create this initial sense of freedom. Because alcohol inhibits your thinking. Those ideas of the way things should be, or your responsibilities, or maybe even ways that you wouldn't necessarily act, even inside of your own values system, have been more available to you because alcohol inhibits your thinking and it is a depressant right, so it does have a natural kind of sedative, not kind of it does sedative and relaxant effect on the body.

Speaker 1:

However, as we know, it is dysregulating the nervous system at the same time. And we have become so detached from the body, especially as women, because the body has been used, the woman's body has been used, as a scapegoat to really explain the pervasiveness of sexual deviance, of promiscuity, of uncontrolled behaviors, potentially most, you know, more than likely with the opposite sex, and so the human body really has been kind of looked at as a sin, right. So that's the basis of our connection to our embodied experience. And so we're on this journey right now where we're really realizing so much of our power lives in an embodied experience and how dissociated we are as a culture, as a society, with or without alcohol. And then so we add alcohol to the mix in interpersonal relationships or in ways in which we're actually thinking we're relating to ourself and our authentic self more through these acts of autonomy, through these acts of rebellion or defiance or kind of outside of the system, when in fact we're moving further away from our authentic self, we're moving further away from the nature of who we are embodied. So we add in the mix of curiosity and we find out.

Speaker 1:

Do these things that I've associated as romantic or sexy or thrilling, or even enjoyable or pleasurable? Are they really that? For me, that's just the first question. And how do I know? How do I ever even know if I'm looking at it through an altered lens? And what it also does, alcohol is that it has us trying to relive and recreate an experience rather than learning how or being desiring a brand new firsthand experience and connecting to. You know this idea of kind of like the good old days or the heydays, and really disregarding the potential of pleasure for the future, of what's possible for the future. Why is that? Whose thoughts are those that the best times are in your past? And if we live through that lens, we're really doing a disservice to the rest of our lives, right? So this is really the power of coaching, of mindfulness and of awareness, of examining these thoughts that you've associated with alcohol for so long. And is it? Maybe they were true at a point, but are they useful now?

Speaker 1:

And then you dive into what's possible without alcohol for these things. What if it were better? What am I missing out on when all of my senses are fully engaged, right? What is available to me, rather, when all of my senses are fully engaged. What am I missing out on when all of my senses are not fully engaged? Would it still be pleasing with alcohol, and why? And then go deeper, and go deeper, and go deeper. What can't I experience if I don't drink? And the solution, and what happens with curiosity, is we take away the expectation we infuse, our intention of beginner's mind, of just being present and seeing how it goes, and practicing, and that's what curiosity really allows us to do something that we really lose as adults, because, as you know, children are just curious and they don't care what the outcome is. They might cry, but then they just get back up again and do it. And so it's really important for us, if we want to grow and we want to change and we want to remove habits that no longer serve, to be in a place of curiosity, to be willing to fall and not make it really that big of a deal, because the only thing that's truly gets bruised is our ego.

Speaker 1:

I ask my clients this question a lot and I'm sure I've talked about it on the show is what's the worst thing that can happen? Truly, you really want to answer your own questions, you really want to know the facts from a neutral place. You really want to know the facts from a neutral place, like is it worth it? What does that mean? Right, this thing is really romantic. What does that even mean? What is it? How do you feel inside your body? What does it mean about you?

Speaker 1:

What do you feel like in relationship to this circumstance and this environment and this person and this idea? What are you making it mean about you and why is alcohol a necessary requirement for it? Do you even have evidence to the contrary from a neutral place? Or do you know? Do you go into situations already creating an expectation, already setting a precedent? So we have to be willing to set a new precedent, first for ourselves and then others will follow along.

Speaker 1:

Right, and so often, especially around this idea of romance and intimacy, we are afraid of what the other person will potentially think if we're in relationship to someone and there's an expectation, but it's only because you've set a precedent, right, and we have to be willing to change it for ourselves so that other people can follow suit, and sometimes that takes a minute, so that other people can follow suit, and sometimes that takes a minute. But my invitation to you is to really find out these things that, for you, feel romantic, for you feel like your autonomy, your step outside of the day-to-day mundane and a way to connect with a different part of who you are, outside of all of the labeling, and see what that circumstances for you that is associated with alcohol, and really pull out all of the details and the feelings and the emotions and then start to get curious about what would be, what would you still enjoy if alcohol wasn't present. Is there something you would enjoy? Are you willing to be in the newness? Maybe that could be thrilling and exciting and pleasurable all on its own right.

Speaker 1:

So we miss the opportunity for the depth of pleasure available to us with things that are pleasing to us, whether that's sex, whether that's an environment, whether that's a sunset. We really miss the depth of the opportunity we think alcohol enhances. Right, or that's at least the belief that most people have is alcohol enhances this experience. But how can something that actually dulls and numbs your sensory experience enhance anything? It's simply not true. But what happens often is that it takes away and dulls the thinking enough that there is an illusion or a distortion of a heightened sense of your senses, a heightened experience because your thoughts have slowed down when normally they're kind of running the show.

Speaker 1:

So the invitation is to become more mindful in a present moment experience, so that you can quiet your mind or at least direct it intentionally to your intention, to your felt sense, to your inner experience, to the sensations in your body, and really be able to find out what's the depth of pleasure that's available to me inside of this autonomous experience and how can I meet myself in a brand new way. I am very interested in your inquiries. I would love to hear more about what shows up for you in this area and really challenge you and invite you to try something that feels sexy and feels romantic, and maybe just take yourself out on a date to the park and pack a picnic and buy yourself some flowers. Um, I love doing stuff like that. Just see what happens. Okay, have a great week. I'll talk to you soon, thank you.