245. Consistency

Explore consistency through the lens of mindful living and intentional choices. In this episode, I invite you to dive into the transformative power of being consistent in our actions and decisions. As the seasons change, our senses awaken, allowing us to be fully present in the moment. 

I share insights on the profound impact of mindfulness, sensory experiences, and creative activities in our lives. We explore the joy of embracing consistent habits, breaking free from the cycle of alcohol, and making decisions from our future selves. 

• Personal consistency and prioritizing values. 
• Prioritizing self-care and consistency for a more peaceful life.
• Podcasting and perfectionism.
• The benefits of consistency and self-care.
• Consistency and integrity in personal growth. 

This time of year can be full of joy, but it can also come with extra stress and temptations around alcohol. So, I thought, why not offer something to help bring in a bit more ease and peace?
I'd love to spend this time together with you. I miss you! 
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You have everything you need right now to find alcohol freedom with The Stop Drinking & Start Living Course. Join 100's of Women who have successfully eliminated alcohol from their lives using The Five Shifts Processes. Click here to learn more and join.

Transcript

Mary Wagstaff: 1:12

Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that you are longing for a deeper connection to life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and feels like the one area, you just can't figure out you are in the right place. Hi, my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help powerful women just like you eliminate their desire to drink on their own terms. In this podcast, we will explore the revolutionary approach of my proven five shifts process that gets alcohol out of your way by breaking all of the rules, and the profound experience that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. I am so thrilled to be your guide. Welcome to your journey of awakening. Welcome back to the show my beautiful listeners. Another week, another episode here we go. How are you?

Unknown: 2:14

It is fully officially into

Mary Wagstaff: 2:16

fall. You know, I know this shows just is like an evergreen show. But I have a lot of people that listen in real time. And it feels good. One of the things I want to just briefly mention because I know I can get off on a little tangent sometimes at the beginning of the show

Unknown: 2:33

is how much more

Mary Wagstaff: 2:40

our intuition comes online this time of year as the seasons change. And you can even notice that through all the seasonal changes. But I do think, because our senses are so heightened, if you're in the northern hemisphere, you have to start putting on more clothing, you can actually feel the temperature change, and the smells of the falling leaves and the wet leaves and the decomposition and the light changing. So whenever our senses become involved, we are we have access to more mindfulness, we are in a present moment, you can't be like smelling the air and be thinking about something different, right? You're in a real present moment experience. So my invitation to you is to take advantage of that. And not for any particular thing. But just the practice of mindfulness of being in a human experience that's beyond the kind of linear achievement of life that I talked about in in the last episode about the search for meaning because when we're always in this constant linear achievement of life, and that's what this is going to play into today is we get so far away from our real human experience that there does become this, this kind of gap or void that we try to fill with something else because we're, we're like, Well, what is the meaning and the purpose of all of this, right? And in in the world that we live in now, we don't use our hands to make a lot of things in a present moment. And I've been I've listened to a couple of podcasts recently. And even some stuff that I've done on my own, you know, when we use our hands to make something, even if it doesn't have a practical application, like art or something creative, there is such a gratification with seeing something come to life like hands to paper to scissors, you know, or if you're in especially if you're in the garden or in the dirt. And I was listening to a podcast about this woman who went through a really big period of grief and started doing these collages that she now has these like Oracle and tarot decks that she she makes that I actually haven't looked up but I wanted to check it out. And she said was the only time through this big period of grief that she felt really good. She felt really satisfying. It was it was something that was very soothing and comforting to her. And when it comes to alcohol, you know, one of the things that it does is it it's a time it takes up time. And

Unknown: 5:15

there's better ways to pass your time,

Mary Wagstaff: 5:17

right? Like, literally the habit of alcohol is is a pretty boring pastime. I mean, nothing really happens, you know, and you just get further and further away from the relationship to yourself. So you start with your sensory experience of the outer senses. And then you can bring that into like the more tactile senses we just we have this really cool art store that's right by us. In Portland, it's a little local art store and of course there's like so many little fun things to find. You can kind of lose yourself in there but we bought these little teeny tiny canvases, I don't even know they're probably like two by three inches or something. And we you know, we have a big box of paints and paint brushes and we looked up some images of Halloween, you know, easy halloween paintings for kids or whatever and we just pay Ain't no we had so much fun doing that. And it was, it was so satisfying. It was so much more satisfying than a lot of things that I've done recently, to be honest with you. And they're super cute. And I gave one of my mom and Emmett loved it, he I was worried that he was gonna, like, get super frustrated, because it was their very tiny saved, like, be very still. But he didn't, he just was like freestyling with his little ghosts, and he loved it. So do something fun, do something fun, pull out a bunch of magazines, make a collage, print off something from, you know, and get your hands involved. This is a digital world. It's just separates us from that embodied experience. But you don't have to actually make something you could go for a walk and see what's different. What do you notice our favorite thing? I talked to someone a few weeks ago who was like, Yeah, we kind of used to go to the pumpkin patch when the kids were little. And it was like, wait, what, like that's not on the top of your priority list. My mom always we had this amazing pumpkin patch where we grew up, we had all these little scenes of different storybook characters made out of pumpkins, and they would, you know, make kind of like a scarecrow type vibe. And so it was like Little Red Riding Hood and all these things. And it was shout out to Jackson's pumpkin farm. And it's like in Elmira, New York, or something. But amazing, you know, candidate like Apple cannon, we had so much fun. And I don't get I would be going to the pumpkin patch with or without a child. I mean it fall activities are the best. Go do something fun. So yeah, we walk around this is our favorite thing to do is we go around finding all of the houses that have decorations, and we like stop. And we look for all the little details of what they've put in there. And it's really fun to see how people get excited about this time of year as well as I do. So moving on, this is a good segue anyway into how to be consistent consistency is a skill that I believe is one worth developing if things are important to you. Because when something is important to you, it does create meaning and satisfaction in your life. It is a it's a it's a concept of your own self identity, and how you want to show up in the world now. Your consistency, you're not beholden to it, right? You are not beholden to something you once did. And you may grow out of it, right? Like you have a consistent practice of drinking. But I was thinking about the podcast. And when I got sober and I started doing my holistic alcohol coaching and I started the podcast, it was one of the first times in my life where I've had to be so conscious of being consistent because a I have you know, people on my schedule that rely on me and then be the podcast is optional, right? It's not something that anyone else is making me do. That's a requirement, I could stop it at any single moment. Now in the past, of course, I've had jobs and employers where people paid me to show up and if I didn't show up consistently, I would get fired, right. But there was also a that was kind of it I just had to show up and then there was you know, people telling me what I needed to do or to get done for that day. Now the way in which I showed up didn't always have to be consistent either because a lot of times I showed up hungover, I mean, of course you have to get your job done, or else you're gonna lose it so on and so forth. But the way I need to show up now to create consistent income consistent results for my clients, consistent growth for my business. And is is very different. There has to be a different energy behind it. And I shared a little bit about this lab last week how you know, one of the things I used to do a lot as a younger person was quit if I didn't feel like doing something I just said screw it. And that's what happens with a lot of people with alcohol. Now, I believe when we have integrity in one area of our life a that is something that you can really hone in on right so if there is if you have a really good work ethic and say you are already an entrepreneur, you're very independent with your work or the way you're consistent with a bedtime routine right like we have been so consistent with a bedtime routine for Emmett the time he goes to bed not so much. But we read we we Just have had a very consistent practice of making sure he's in his bed with his PJs on reading a book more or less around the same time. So you need to go back and ask yourself, why how, you know, why is this? Why am I able to show up consistently in this way? And chances are is because part of it is important to you. It's a priority, but you want to understand why you unders want to understand what are the consequences of not doing that, right? Because even if it's a job, and it's like, well, I'll get fired from my job, if I don't have a job? Well, it's still a choice, right? So there is still something inside of you that is choosing to do that. Because the why is I want to be able to provide for myself and my family, right? I want to have integrity, what are your values that support that I want to have integrity with doing what I say I'm going to do, but a lot of times when it comes to our own personal decisions, they come kind of from these shoulds, right, I should work out, I should you know, quit drinking. And anytime there's a should, it's, it's like this external authority. And that is not how we like to function as humans, we will rebel against someone telling us what we they think we should be doing or advice every single time. And there is a point of becoming more mature, where you can look at someone's advice from a more neutral perspective. So this is what you could do for yourself is understand well, why should I? Why is that again, coming back to? What is the thing I'd like to be more consistent with? And why is that important? So if I use the practice of the podcast? Well, I do, it does create a sense of satisfaction and pleasure for me knowing that every single week,

Unknown: 13:14

I can tell people,

Mary Wagstaff: 13:16

I have a podcast like that feels pretty cool. Sometimes it's gratifying to have this kind of body of work that I can, that I know that I've created. So there's like there is some pleasure in that. And I can allow it to be pleasurable. I also use it oftentimes as a forum for processing what's really present for me and my clients, right? So it's like, I take these things, and I can kind of go deeper with it and expand on the concept. And then I can use it for teaching. And I can use it for like other content creation. But there's definitely times where I'm like, Oh, my God, what am I going to talk about on the show, right. And of course, there's a million things, I could literally talk about anything, I don't even have to talk about drinking, because it's my show. But there, I have to, you know, kind of tap back into that place of the pleasure and the gratification, because there are times where I don't really feel of course, like recording or even hearing my voice out loud or writing it down figuring it out, right. So coming from a place of pleasure and finding the one thing that feels good and reminding yourself of that, versus assured because I should is like, oh, it's like I gotta drag myself out of it. Like, oh, I should write like no, like, no, like, we know that the shoulds don't work. But you can also be curious and neutral about it. So you want it to come from a place of pleasure, like how pleasurable my allowing the podcast to be, you know, I can be as creative as I want, you know,

Unknown: 14:52

and then also

Mary Wagstaff: 14:57

setting myself up for success so that I can do it in a different way. Right? Like, if I was If I only could get this recorded at, you know, five o'clock in the morning, or had to wait for me to go to bed until I could get that done, then that might not be producing the best quality or I would my energy and it wouldn't feel good. I wouldn't feel like I have some expansiveness. So I want to have some expansiveness around it. So on a real practical, no, I literally have to put it in my calendar. And the times where I don't make specific space for the production of creating content for my emails or creating content for the podcast. It becomes stressful, it doesn't feel like a place of pleasure. But if it has a space on my calendar, I use a Google Calendar. All my client appointments are on there. And so I actually block off the time for podcast and all of the other things that go along with it.

Unknown: 15:56

So that's a real practical

Mary Wagstaff: 15:58

thing, right? It's like if it's on your calendar, and you've already blocked off the time for it, then you have to then you know, I can't schedule a client call over this or I'm not going to be like doing dishes when I'm doing this. So if you literally put it on your A calendar, then there's a space for it just like you would have to block off any other time. So you have to work

Unknown: 16:16

around that.

Mary Wagstaff: 16:19

So there's practicalities, there's but there's the mindset piece of it. Right? Which is the biggest place? So coming from a place of pleasure? And then what's the bigger impact? Right? What's the? How is this really an act of service? Well, for whatever it is, now, for me, I know that not everyone is in a place for various reasons for them to come and do one on one coaching with me, right? Whether it's financial, whether it's mental, whether it's emotional, whether it's energetic, right, like there are so many people that listen to this podcast, hundreds of people that listen to this podcast, that I will never work with one on one that you know, I won't like, they won't be there won't be a business transaction. And for me, that feels really good. Like, I feel like I can contribute to the world with this information that I have, in a way that really serves. And so many people I know have quick, quit drinking from the podcast, they've really taken the opportunity to apply these principles and tools into their life, shout out to all of you, Queens, I am just so you know, for just being here you're taking in this information is awesome. I've done the same thing, there are podcasts that I've listened to that have been so powerful, that have changed my life. And I've never, you know, worked with that person, but I really honor and respect them. And you know, so if it comes back to something that is more personal, say, not drinking, say a workout routine, say you know, some sort of healthy, creating a healthier lifestyle for yourself. There is a bigger impact, there is always an act of service. And I know for many women who don't often put themselves first it's like they feel guilty, right? And when I coach people on how is this decision, say to come work with me and make this investment of your time and your money, the best thing you can do for your family. And we list out all of the reasons. And what happens when you don't do this. What happens when nothing changes? Well, how does that impact you and your life? Right? Because oftentimes, you think you're showing up for your kids and hanging out. But when you're drinking and kind of checking out, are you really present? Are you really there for them? Are you really engaging in the way that's going to be serving them the best, right? This is not me, this isn't from a place of shame. This is just from a place of curiosity as to understand, like, what would feel more satisfying for me, I know when I am fully engaged with Emma, and we're sitting down making little paintings, versus him maybe like trying to get my attention. And I'm like, doing like, you know, I don't drink anymore. But if I'm saying like, trying to listen to a podcast, for example, while we're in the evening space, and I'm not saying that you can't do this, but none of it really feels satisfying to me, my senses, my my presence is being pulled in two places. Yeah. And sometimes you gotta cook dinner and get, you know, multitask and get some of the stuff done. But for the most part, being fully in to whatever's right in front of you is going to create the most satisfaction no matter what it is. I mean, seriously, I think when you're the you're the most present with something, even if it's folding laundry, even if it's doing the dishes, which is my least favorite chore is cleaning up after dinner. It is more satisfying than if you are trying to do multiple things. Or if you're you know, of course telling yourself, I don't want to be doing this, which also leads to drinking. And I know that when I worked with people and their engagements with their children, with their spouses, with the waves are interacting with their clients become so much more intentional and present when they aren't drinking. Right. So, too. So making that piece of it a priority, doing the investigation of the mindset of the mindfulness practices in the emotional processing ahead of time, and planning ahead of time and investigating your expectations and lowering them. Right. So it's like this consistency with me showing up every single morning to just go for a walk for 20 minutes. What is the impact of that on the rest of my day on my family? How is this an act of service? How is this creating more peace in the world essentially, right? Because it does, and that's where you have to take your mind to find consistency and it could just be that one thing. This is going to have this through this one act of something that I do want to do because I want to feel healthier in my body. Go for a walk every day. This is going to have A bigger impact a my day than anything else I can do this is going to have a bigger impact on the people that I'm in relationship with than anything else. Because I'm going to be present, I'm going to be calm, I'm going to have felt good about my, the, you know, showing up for myself. Creating some nervous system regulation, getting fresh air, a little boost of dopamine, like this is just an example. But look at all of the ways that being consistent with your with the things that you want to show up for in life is impacting the rest of the people that you're interacting with. How is it creating a more peaceful planet, because we have when we have more peace inside of ourselves, we create more peace in the world. The next thing that I want to talk about with consistency. And this may be a concept from Brooke Castillo from The Love The Life Coach School is 80%. To done. And what that means is it doesn't have to be perfect, right? Like, there have been plenty of times where I have gotten on this podcast and just started talking, you guys might think that I do that all the time. But no, I have a plan A lot of the times, right, I don't script my podcasts because they come up terrible when I script them, which is really funny. Like, it just sounds like I'm reading. So I stopped doing that. And because I am a facilitator of, you know, I'm a teacher, so I can teach and I can engage in a conversation and I don't really need it scripted, I actually work much better that way. And I get a lot more downloads that way. But I do make a few notes. So I'm not just on here stumbling. So you actually have something to take away, that feels really consistent. But it's 80% done. Like I'm looking at a Pages document right now word processing document that has probably 10 lines on it, of the notes that I made of the of the

Unknown: 23:06

the points that

Mary Wagstaff: 23:08

I wanted to make on the show, right. And it's the same when I do the show notes or send an email or anything, it's like I want to have integrity, and not to be stumbling and fumbling around and so that you can get the most value from your time and I can be consistent and concise and move forward. But what's more beneficial, it being 80% done or not at all right? Like, what's more beneficial is for you is getting a 20 minute walk outside, or you know, a 60 minute going to like a 60 minute bar class or whatever, right? Like doing something is better than doing nothing. And that consistency is going to build the muscle in your brain that this is important. Because our brains don't want to change their routine because it's already efficient, right? They know, your body knows how to sleep 20 minutes later. So 80% to done. And we don't even know what perfection means. You know, I just kind of gave you my back behind the scenes secrets. But you don't know what this podcast is supposed to be you have other podcasts that you listen to that you compare it to, but I'm creating these concepts, right. So no one even knows what 100% is supposed to look like. And I'm not in and I feel like there are times where it does feel like 100% It's 100% to me if it gets out on time if it is posted and ready to hit the airwaves. By midnight on Tuesday. I'm like we've done the work, right. And every I mean, there's probably like two times where it was later on Wednesday that it came out. You okay? It's like 245 episodes, sometimes I think oh my gosh, a that dates me. Like it really dates me. I feel like I have gotten more wrinkles since I've been talking to using the podcast because I just like talk

Unknown: 25:08

a lot. But holy crap, where's the

Mary Wagstaff: 25:13

time gone? That's a lot of feels like a lot. And it has been consistent. And then there was that one month where I did a 30 day challenge or I did an episode every day for 30 days. Now that was like 70% done. That was me up at midnight doing it. But I was consistent. And I did it. And I did it because I made it a challenge to myself and I had fun with it. It came from such a place of pleasure. And I didn't put any rules or restrictions on what it needed to be or what it needed to sound like. It was really more about being exact an example of what's possible. I mean, there are people that do podcasting every single day and their podcasts are just them getting on, you know, just chatting with their audience and a lot of times they're on video as of eight comes from a Facebook Live or a YouTube Live or something like that. So, you know they're using it for multiple content. So 80% done well. is even perfectional you want to know what 100? How would you even know what 100% looks like? I wouldn't even know what I don't even know what 100% looks like for the podcast. To me, it's getting it out on time and making sure that there's value, right? So, but I remember someone I've talked about this on the show, one of my friends asked me like, oh, podcast seems like a lot of work. And I said, yeah, if you're a perfectionist it might be. But it's not a lot of work. For me, it's actually very easy. And I've thought about making a little video about how to start a podcast for people that aren't perfectionist, because it's super easy, actually. It takes some time, it takes a little bit of time every week to dedicate myself to it. But it's really fun. It puts value out in the world. And it's an a way to express your and share your voice. And yeah, I think podcasting is a really cool platform that's available to a lot of people that don't want to be on social media, but want to share about themselves. And of course, there's a little bit of that here. So the next point about being consistent is making decisions from your future. How are you going to feel when you I'm just gonna keep using this example. You know, when you've walked every day, at 6am, for 20 minutes, how are you going to feel about yourself at the end of the week, how are you going to feel about yourself at the end of the day, right, and you want to bring that person of you, that version of you into the present moment timeline, you can create that embodied experience of lightness of pride, you know, I the pride of not drinking, the next day, I feel so good. That one of the one of the ways that I like to reframe this for people is the is really getting into how good it feels to wake up and know that you

Unknown: 28:18

didn't drink. And

Mary Wagstaff: 28:22

reminding yourself that the pride of not the feeling of pride feels better than this drink is going then this one drink is going to feel right. Like if you think you want the one drink. And or like you know, if you're doing a yoga practice or working, it's like feeling light, like light in my like lighter in my body. You know, when you're moving, it's not about weight when we're moving consistently. And we're doing things and we're stretching you just like there's an a lightness to you, right or even like when you're changing some of your maybe eating habits like they're feeling light and flexible, feels better than another 20 minutes in bed. Right I stopped. I was I love chocolate, and I stopped buying chocolate because I was like kind of eating it is like a snack or maybe a meal. I don't know, one of the two things, but it was around and I'm just like, have a little bar and sign a problem. I think it's like I should eat all the chocolate I want to eat. But it wasn't serving me it wasn't it was kind of like a mindless thing. And sometimes it's easier for things to just not be around, right? If they're if if they're not around, then I don't have them. And I don't feel deprived at all. But so I stopped buying chocolate, so I wasn't eat so I didn't need it just like a snack a few times a day. Right.

Unknown: 29:40

And for me, it's like the the lightness

Mary Wagstaff: 29:45

that I feel in my body. And you know, maybe there's like, there's like a little detoxing of like, you know, maybe a little blemish or something that comes from it feels better because it's consistent, right? Then that little piece of chocolate tastes like that's fleeting. And I talked about this in the deprivation episode where I've had so much chocolate in my life and I love it. And I like I always joke that I like travel with chocolate, I don't go anywhere without chocolate. And I do love chocolate. But there's also stuff in a lot of chocolate that I don't want to eat, which is you know, oil, certain oils and sugar, refined sugars. And like, you know, when I have cacao in a ceremonial way that feels like really special and good to me. And it's not about you know, the fat or anything like that. It's just that it wasn't serving me it wasn't it wasn't giving me the results that I that I wanted. And it wasn't helping with, you know this with a mindfulness practice. So I and it really does, it feels the feeling that I feel in my body and in my mind from not having all of those ingredients feels better than that little bit of chocolate tastes. And that is very true for me. So you have to figure out what that is for you. So I'm just going to recap here. or is deciding what you want to be consistent with when you're if you're here, chances are, it's your alcohol consumption you want to not you want to consistently not be drinking. And the tricky thing about alcohol is, is I'm sure there's some of you out there like I would consistently like to not drink

Unknown: 31:27

just once a week, I get a girl,

Mary Wagstaff: 31:31

I get it, I got to remind you, alcohol is an addictive drug. Sorry to break it to you it is. And until you can fully be happy, sober, which we call kind of like taking it down to the studs, right doesn't mean you need to be a sober person, you don't need to you don't need to label yourself, you don't need to do any of that, like live your life and try to be like, What is my how happy am I going to allow myself to be how much pleasure can I experience in my body, what else is going on in there and get super curious, it's just always going to be about the alcohol. But to do that consistently, right? And even the 80% to done could be part of that. It's like ma'am, maybe you're it's not perfect all the time. But I'm gonna evaluate and I'm just gonna get, I'm just gonna choose to keep going and not be like I had a drink one night. So screw it right now, you just keep going. But you don't let the one drink a week be the goal, right? If you happen to drink, because this is a work in progress. That's not a problem, you just use it as a learning tool. That's what I'm talking about. I'm not saying like set yourself up for like the 8020 rule of drinking and not drinking. And I even think with food that that's not like Don't set yourself up with the 8020 rule, set yourself up for I want to make choices that are going to be

Unknown: 32:59

that are going to

Mary Wagstaff: 33:02

help regulate my nervous system, which is not having these, you know, glucose spikes all the time. And if I'm in a place and I get a bowl of pasta, not a it's not a problem, I'm going to enjoy it, right. But I'm going to also just kind of evaluate how I feel. So that's what I'm talking about what like the 80% to done, you don't plan for 20% of something else, you plan for 100%. But you don't make it a problem. If it doesn't happen that way. Because you know, you're learning a new way. It has to come from a place of pleasure. And that is often coming from your future self. But even in the moment choose like what about this? Do I enjoy and take your brain to that place, right? Like I enjoy smelling all the smells, I enjoy the feeling of moving my body, I actually enjoy the quiet time outside, right? i When I'm not drinking, I enjoy being present when i i Really it feels so good to wake up the next day feeling really proud of myself. I love the influence that I have, you know, subconsciously I'm having my children, that I can sleep through the night that I make better choices that I'm more present with my own needs that I asked for what I need, right? Like, what are all the things that feel pleasurable? When you say no to a drink? There's a lot of things and I want you to mine your brain for them, you have to intentionally look for them. What's the bigger impact on the other people on the rest of my week? On in 10 years from now? Right? What's the bigger impact. And the last thing I'll say is

Unknown: 34:55

consistently see,

Mary Wagstaff: 34:59

really only should be done from a place of like truly wanting to do it. Because if it's not something that you want to do, but you think somehow you should. And this could probably lead into another topic of being authentic, right? Like I was just talking to my mother in law, about she read this book, I can't remember it was something about the like the art of keeping house or keeping house and staying sane or something and it was this woman's memoir about her postpartum journey and keeping house and someone might know what it is I can actually look it up but she was saying the gist that my mother in law took away is that having a tidy house isn't a morally intrinsic thing right like there's it's not a moral imperative. people's houses should like should reflect their needs. There is nothing that says if you don't have a tidy house that you're something's wrong with like bad. I was just talking to Matthew about this. These people that he knew and it was like this inheritance story and how these people had like millions of dollars but they He lived in kind of like this rundown place, and they never moved and it was falling apart and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, it worked for them, right. So for whatever reason, it wasn't important for them to do something different. So if the consistency that you have with, like I should my house, like have a house that's tidier or be more organized, and like, it's not really important to you, when you take that off of your plate as important. It frees up so much space. And instead of having that consistent compound compounding judgment, and from that light free place, you might naturally just start tidying up. Right, I will say with that example, in particular, there is a cognitive overload that happens when we have lots of things around it can create, you know, like a nervous system imbalance. But that's kind of a side point. But is that there is no right way to live your life. So if the weight thing you want to be more consistent with is something that's actually not that important to you. And you don't mind, Matthew and I live very differently, he can put all of his clothes in a big huge basket and just pull seems like I just take what's off of the top of it. I mean, he has a he has a dresser, but he doesn't like pick out an outfit necessarily when he goes to work, because he has different needs. He's a contractor, so he does can wear anything. So he picks off whatever on the top and he wears it. And it's not a problem. I couldn't I couldn't do that. I don't want to do that. It's important for me to feel like some of my things are somewhat organized. But to him like that's organized, right. So it's not for me to judge what's right and wrong. And it's not, it's for you to understand for you like maybe putting your clothes in a laundry basket and picking off what's on the top takes away all of the pressure of having to pick out an outfit, right, or whatever that is for you. So don't try to do something consistently, that's actually not important for you, and that and then income and really honor that for yourself, because there is no right way to do these things that I'm talking about. But if it is important to you, you need to understand why it needs to come from some sort of place of pleasure. It needs to you need to understand the bigger impact on your life. It doesn't have to be perfect, it can be 80% done, and make decisions from your future from that result of having that thing. And if it doesn't feel like that great, then maybe it's not worth your time. And schedule it in, put it on your calendar. I hope this served. You can apply this to everything in your life. And when you start doing things more consistently in consistency and integrity, with doing what you say you want to and because you really want to, you will start to see that bleed into so many other areas of your life. Have an amazing week and I will talk to you soon. As much as I know you would love to you cannot wish yourself alcohol free. You have to take action to do something different. So what I want you to do is head on over to my website Mary Wagstaff coach.com, where you can download the free training of the five shifts of intuitive drinking, along with a free guide of questions that you can ask yourself every single day. When you have an urge. When you have a craving when you wake up in the morning, you can make it a ritual practice to start to observe yourself in a new way. And it will guide you through the process of learning to tap into your own deeper knowing so that you can develop a new relationship to yourself, which will in turn and your relationship to alcohol. Mary Wagstaff coach.com To register for the free On Demand training right now.